On this my birthday

God has kept me these 28 years of my life. He has taken away my self-righteousness, my hypocrisy, my God has crowned me with His neverending lovingkindness. I like to listen to Beauty is Vain from time to time to see who I am supposed to be. God is continuing to sanctify me and has shown me time and time again it is He who supplies my needs, who brings conviction, who does good work in my life, who has provided a family in Christ, who makes me into a biblical woman. May Christ be my love and my passion, may He continue to sanctify me and do good works through my life. In this my 28th year I find myself blessed.

Discernment and Loving Christ

Today I went to a Christmas service. I had so much joy.  Christ is worthy. Christ You are my life I submit all my desires before You. I hope in You. In God's word I see His Glory I see that He is sufficient. In the end my hope, my faith is in Christ. It is my birthday in two hours and I see my desperate need of Him. I see Verna and Diane women in their twilight years single and they love the Lord. God thank you for tearing down the idol.

In Christ I have all I need.

Revival within and without

God can speak though donkeys and stones. I will admit that I am one of those two. These past few days I have been rebuked. I have been tempted to despair but God has been gracious in providing strength. Yet God gave me the opportunity to point others to Him. To pray for other women. I do not know what God is doing. I am amazed how He is working in my life. 
God gave me grace in the midst of so much trial and despair. When I think on Christ and who He is I am awed and overcome. May I see His Glory.

Thank You my Lord

Praying

Praying is hard for me when it comes to certain things I can pray for others. I have been praying for the Lord to be glorified but three things I don't pray for or ask the Lord about as I should. My own struggles, and marriage,  and my future husband. I feel bad for him... I pray when I remember maybe a few times one week, then forget for a week or two, or maybe a month. Then I wonder what am I supposed to pray for this guy about. Well then I realize maybe a way to be a woman he can trust is to pray for my sanctification. The process hurts, but its a temporary affliction that results in an eternal weight of glory. Well maybe I should pray.

Bitterness/Contentment

I am going to speak plainly and honestly. I get upset sometimes that a believer who is a man may look at the outer appearance and not what is within. I used to have such a sense of entitlement that maybe if I reach a certain point God will have to give me what I want. I was wrong, God grants us the riches of His mercy each day. So Christ died to reconcile to Himself sinners who by their own merit only earn His wrath. He gives them His own righteousness. I need more of Jesus. Why are you downcast O my soul. Trust in God!

Life

As I looked up into the sky very dazed I wondered how I got into this situation. I am weak and my life ends according to God's will. God would be good would be just should He take me at this moment. I had always believed myself to be tough and capable yet my glory is as of the grass, here today and gone tomorrow. 

Habakkuk 3:17-19
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
   nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
   and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
   and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
    I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the deer's;
   he makes me tread on my high places.

My Lord is my portion and should I die I will long for my Lord and seek Him all the days I am given. I am not guaranteed another day so may this day be used to make my God look great.

Lord, You who have known the depths of my depravity yet have loved me. 

Jesus You who gave up Your life that I may have eternity with You. 

May I wait upon You Lord with patience and humility 

and yet may I have a passion for You that surpasses all trifling mythologies. 

With an everlasting love You looked upon me. 

While I was nothing. 

No genealogy, 

a common flower whom no one wanted. 

You were the gardener that carefully transplanted me to soil where I thrived build upon 

Your words which constantly would say LIVE. 

I began to bloom with a beauty that reflected Your care

Beloved, my beloved however many years You provide

Open my eyes to see Your loving care

Anonymity

I feel much of the time writing gives me a sense of anonymity as if I can say what I think with no repercussions without this getting back to the people I see every day. My prayer is that God may rid me of this sense of entitlement. That God may control my tongue may I encourage and not tear down. I do not want to fall into temptation anymore. Be tempted by romance. I know who hides me and protects me. May I long to be where He is. I am not Cinderella I am not a fairy tale princess under a magic spell. I am just an average woman. Brown hair, brown eyes and all. May God make me into the woman He wants me to be.

Heart Matters

As I listen to Carolyn McCulley I have been thinking about life and this is what God has me meditating on. 

There is sufficient grace for the day. God has been working in amazing ways in the lives of people that I know. God leads us when we are not looking according to his will. He will bring us trials that we might be refined by His consuming fire into a faith more precious than gold even fine gold. I am not super spiritual, God has taken away many distractions (thoughts, circumstances, and material things) and has revealed his faithfulness. It is God that moves the hearts and minds of men, God had me attend today a very God glorifying marriage. It is such a blessing to know God works in ways man in his limited knowledge cannot understand. As a woman who is single I have seen in my own life how weddings leads to questions and emotions, sinful and non-sinful in the past, but those moments do still occur. Yet God reveals Himself in such ways that make me weep with joy that my God should care so much that He draws me away to minister to my soul. May I see God in all the moments of my life. Today I am rejoicing like John did, weddings point to Christ. Marriage points to the intimate way God knows us and care for us. 

In Christ, 

Levita

Change and growing Love

My friends are getting married. Things are changing. Marriage means becoming one with another person, another picture of the church. It means a commitment a covenant made before God. So why do I feel strange. Why do I feel that my life is going a place that I do not know? God have been allowing me to be me. Parts of me need to change. I need God to do a work in me. I do not want envy to grow. I will trust that God will do as He will, my life is hidden with Christ on high. I guess I am afraid to put that desire in God's hands. Yet my God is faithful even when I am faithless. Lord please help my unbelief.

Learning about worship

Psalm 29:1-2 NASB
Ascribe to the LORD, O sons of the mighty, Ascribe to the LORD glory and strength. Ascribe to the LORD the glory due to His name; Worship the LORD in holy array.

Worship as I see is when in response to knowing God, knowing who we are (vessels of clay), knowing/abiding in the redemption of Christ, brings forth praise and thanksgiving to glorify God in our lives. What we do every day is worship from brushing our teeth to working to what we wear and this worship rests on Jesus.

In worship through singing, as I have learned about God, his divine nature and attributes, the more I tend to waver between music that is full of theology and yet/also songs that have a deep passion for Christ. This means Come Thou Fount, could be back to back with Triune Praise by Shai Linne, and Your Great Name by Natalie Grant. All these songs worship God in different music styles. Come Though Fount is a classical Hymn, Triune Praise is Hip Hop, and Your Great name Contemporary Christian.

Yet one thing that I know is wrong in music, as a Christian to take music that lifts up sin and yet love it. This means TV and books as well. It is worldliness and one as a believer cannot have the fallenness of the outside world to pervade our hearts and minds. It leads to a hardening of the heart when it comes to sin. Yet I digress.

True worship starts with a heart in communion with Christ - this means a person in prayer and in the word. This means also preaching the Gospel to oneself. We are the redeemed, washed clean in the blood of Jesus, sealed by the Holy Spirit into adoption, and this knowledge results in praise and thankfulness to a God is holy, and just, and good in all His ways. That He would be just and the justifier of people who deserve His wrath and anger. So we as people born-again to a living hope live our lives thankful we could change a dirty diaper, serve our brothers and sisters in needs, and love one another.

May I have a heart of true worship.

Truly God is Good

I trust that God will continue to work in my heart and soul. That I not idolize anyone/anything/any circumstance. God has been changing my heart while I have not been looking. Bitterness, envy, covetousness is being taken away and replaced with grace, kindness, and peace within. I have been spending time with family, with brothers and sisters in Christ. I wanted to share with them my life. I am not one to have many stories to tell but I trust that God will take my life, my dreams, and all that I am in His Hands and make me lovely in His eyes. I am rather plain, not thin like the fashion now at days. I am a woman. Yet God is making me lovely inside. I am a lily of the valley.

The Love of my Father

He sees me and loves me. 

He knows my frame he knows I am but dust. 

I will trust you. 

You have crowned me with loving kindness.

and only in your eyes am I lovely.

I am a lily of the valley like many other women

Your Son bought me for His own position

I who was a slave you gave freedom and made me your own

Your will be done in my life my Father

Good News

God is mighty and gracious and reveals Himself through moments in our lives. I am reminded time and time again the One True God is not a God who is far away but who lives and works among us. Today my church had an event called the Good News Festival and Clinic. Click on link for more details. http://hopeingod.org/gnfc. God has given me the opportunity to serve at all three events. I am not wise, am not smart, I am just a woman and my deepest desire is that Christ to be made known. These past few days I have been plagued with thoughts, yet God has been gracious to work in me. I was paired off with three women all of whom left before the gospel presentation. I want them to know the Jesus of the bible. The Jesus who was born without sin, God in the flesh, giving new life to the walking dead, healing, then one the cross took the punishment we deserve in 3 hours Christ suffered more than any sinner ever would in Hell. He died, for the punishment of our sin is death yet resurrected after 3 days. Our God lives and sits in the majesty on high and the right hand of the Father. To Him belongs all power and glory and dominion. Amen.

Not Forsaken

I do not know what is wrong with me. Why am I struggling today? Being single is better than having an ungodly spouse. Singleness is better that not having a husband that prays for you, that washes you in the water of the word, that will encourage and draw me to Christ. The Christian life is not for the faint of heart. I will wait by the grace and power of God for the Godly man he has in store for me. I will not go after vanity. I will not love a man more than God. Neither will I try to manipulate my way into a man's affections. God I trust you to fulfill marriage in your own timing. I do not know who I do not know what. I just know it is someone who loves God, who wants to live out his life for the glory of Christ. May God grant him a love for the lost. May God make him into a servant leader. May he know the bible, love the brothers, trust in God, Thats all.

To Be a Wife

I have read books like True Woman, Feminine Appeal, Let Me Be a Woman, and all that is within me wants to be a Christian who glorifies God in being a woman. I have learned what it is to be a wife by serving and hopefully encouraging and supporting my brothers in Christ. I have learned to take care of children who have been a blessing to me. Christ changes the hearts of men and women. Back to the roles He has layed out in creation.

Protect me

I am known for being very independent to the point of carrying a thirty pound bag and hurting my hands. In the bible it says women are weaker bodily but equal heirs in Christ. I am so glad for the brothers in my life, I do not submit to them they are neither my father nor husband as I am single at this time. Yet they are protective and keep an eye out for me. I like their counsel. I just wish at times they would reprove or rebuke me if need be. I am seen often as strong and capable truth is the Lord is my strength. May I serve the Lord.

Proverbs 31

I have read the book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye. I have learned much from it. A woman must be what God want a woman to be before marriage. She does good not harm. She is not idle and works with her hands. She knows how to feed her family. She is charitable, strong... I want to be that kind of woman. I fear the Lord and trust in him. I have gone to the doctor after years of avoiding it. God has been connecting me to people allowing me the opportunities to encourage the body. Witnessing opportunities have been great. God is so good. Today I am running late I have to run. Work is starting.

To Know

Well I asked a godly older man if I were ready to be a wife. Maybe I should have waited to ask the question. God has blessed me with more mature believers whom I can voice my concerns. I need Christ to guide me. I know He is working in my life. I do not know how yet I see it as time progresses but I find fear of some men growing in me. Not about what they think of me but want them to stay at a distance and not let them in. I do not know if that is a bad thing or not. Am I wanting to guard my heart and mind at the expense of fellowship. Things that are happening I do not understand but may God give me the trust in Him and the grace to honor Him in the situations to ensue.

Writing to God

Sometimes I wonder how is God working what is He doing in this situation. God brought me to this place for a reason. God brought me to a specific group for a reason. By God's grace I will not try to write down what I wish would happen and keep it hidden. My God sustains me. My God looks upon me and makes me lovely in His eyes. It makes me weep in bittersweet joy. You love me God, You see me. You will conform me to the image of Your Son by setting my mind on You. Christ I thank You for tenderly guiding me.

Grace for tomorrow

There was so much I had wanted to write yesterday. I had just seen Courageous and after a week of struggle and turmoil within I have woken up this Saturday well past the time I was supposed to to be able to take a Zumba class at my work that I had said I would be at. Yet I woke up with such a peace. I used to have such a desire to pray for the men that I know at church and Christian men in general that God would mold them into True Men who seek the Lord above all else who will dedicate themselves to being men who reflect Christ in their action and in the way they live their lives be they single or married. Yet God has convicted me of not caring for my brothers in fact tearing them down instead of encouraging them. My own bitterness, my sin against God and then against my brothers, God has put my eyes on Himself and has me seeing his all sufficient grace in all circumstances. I will trust in God.

Missions, Life, and a Future I cannot see

I want that Christ's name be known in a place that never heard of Jesus. I want Him to be glorified and that I may die and live with Jesus. I worry so much and spend so much time planning something that cannot be planned. My trust in God for salvation is great yet my trust in the future He has for me gives me the shakes. I have been blessed by the fellowship of people who trust in God so much that to others it would seem crazy. I am afraid and I will admit it. It has driven me into reading ungodly things, a sin I admit to and hope to repent of.So after a week of work, and prayer, and anger and looking out and in I know. I know that He who knows what I hide from others will draw me away and will reveal His unending grace and mercy, and awesome splendor. That I may be drawn after Him and not the fear that lays behind little by little.

False Assurance

Its easy to sit in a church and believe that you belong to Christ yet have no evidence in your life of saving faith. Your life reflects on whether you belong to Christ. Do you love your sin? Do you love the very things God hates? What makes you think if you have the desires of the eyes, the desires of the flesh, and pride in possessions that you in any way belong to Jesus Christ? In 1 John God is clear about who is a true believer, test yourselves to be sure that you are in the faith, the bible says. What kind of tree does not bear fruit but a bad tree that God will burn up.

Mom

Today would have been my mother's 59th birthday. It has been almost 2 years. Many of my mannerisms and habits come from her. By watching her I learned to cook and she always wanted me to be a model of femininity. I do not know what to feel. Sometimes I smile because she would find this amusing or I cry because she is not there and cannot give me one of her plush hugs. I wash all the dishes now but she is not there to hug me when I am done. Okay maybe I am sad today.

To God

God you are the ruler over all creation. Death could not contain you. You who in all things must be first. You look upon the lowly and give them knowledge of their need for you. You have saved me and continue to save me from my flesh and this world. You have given me a new nature and have put Your Spirit within me. Day by day you renew me and grant me your mercy and lovingkindness. Wherever I am You are always with me. Give me eyes to read your word, ears to hear your word, and a mind to understand your word. May I learn more about you and in my learning increase my passion for you. Make me into a woman who first and foremost seeks your heart and your kingsom because in everything else your provide and bless us. God you have given much and taken away much. Yet yesterday, today, and forever You alone are God. Lord be with me. 

Supplication

God I plead that you take this. You know, you know me, you are the only one. Its been You who upholds me. You who point me to Your Son. God help me take my life, do with it as You will. Help me to see what Your will is. I repent of my idolatry and rebellion. Please look upon my helpless state and change my life.

Redeeming my time

Thinking on Habekkuk 3 and trusting in the goodness of God. It is so easy to be busy for the Lord. By God's grace I hope to have a balance in spending time with Christ, learning about Christ, and serving. I was able to speak to a godly older man about it. He is older with children my age. God is doing a work in him, and has been a believer more than a decade. Anyway he said something that will stick with me to know Christ more, to spend time with Christ is what he prays for the people that he knows. I have been blessed by that. I will pray that for the people I know, and those who Christ redeemed on the earth. May God conform me to the image of his Son.

What God taught me?

Where is this one guy in my small group who always says from the book of John this is eternal life that they might know you the one true God and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. I need him to do a work in me. To take away any idol that clings to me. God is a holy God. He will make me so.

Seen

I usually to work dress in a very businesslike fashion. I work in a job where I have to be professional and very detail oriented. On Fridays I usually dress in the same manner. Today however I dressed in a more casual manner stylish. Yet I realize now that according to how you dress people treat you in a different manner. I was treated in a way that was uncourteous. This is wrong and yet I am not mad it saddens me the manner that people treat others if they are assumed to be in another class. So people do not care if they treat others in a manner that seems downright rude. Yet I will not behave like them. If they are poor or rich. Whatever clothes they wear. I hope to treat them in a manner worthy of Christ by His work in me.

Mara/Naomi

I used to read Ruth and want to have Boaz to come along see me. I realize something. I am not Ruth who forsakes family and home to follow after Naomi. Who serves diligently that another may eat. I am Mara bitter who brings my complaints before God and sometimes my friends. I wish I could always serve in joy and not in half sorrow. I do not know what my future brings yet I pray that He who loves me and betrothed me to Himself in righteousness. Who considers me though I in my human state have nothing to love or cherish. Yet by His Spirit He has adorned me. Though I am not lovely or beautiful by human standards. He sees me as such and before God robed in the perfect life of God, crowned by the deeds He has for me to do by the regeneration of the Holy Spirit I will be beautiful. May God do with my life as He wills.

God working

It has been such a blessing to see God strengthen weak believers. So good to see God draw people together. God showing me His grace and mercy. It has been so amazing. I have had the opportunity to tell people the Gospel. There are so many people who are deceived and I do not know how to combat it except maybe to hide more scripture within. God's word is so powerful. The Gospel is the power of God onto salvation. It is the sword of the Spirit and without a balance of theology and passion, your faith can be cold but full of knowledge, or it can be "spiritual", a "burning in the bosom", yet be filled with rank heresy and following after the wrong Jesus. Praise be to the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 

1 Peter 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, whoaccording to His great mercy has caused us to be born again toa living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 

Sola Gracia

I have been taken aback time and time again by the grace of God in my life. Somehow I have been blessed with people in my life after so many years of doing the lone ranger Christian thing. (Theme song going through my head). It was a busy day and I took a nap. I am only 27 and I stopped to take a nap (smiling). God has given me grace when in the past I would have shaking my fist at God. He is my portion. I was in fellowship with a lady I met while at a friends place. She was so much bolder than I was and I realized something. Truth in love filled with the scripture given by God has an edge to it. I am trusting today that God has everything planned my only recourse is to seek Him, in prayer, in reading the Bible, in fellowship with other believers. To God be the Glory. "Whom have I in heaven but You and earth has nothing I desire but You my flesh and my heart may fail however the Lord is my Portion forever." 

Friendship and fellowship

What can I say about this. I do not like being vulnerable I do not like showing others areas of my character that would be hated. God help me I am so afraid of letting people in because I know they will let me down. God knows me inside out. He knows my fantasies, and wishes, my sarcasm, rooted in sin. My hope is in Jesus. Yesterday I spent some time with women who treat me as a daughter. I do not know why I am being emotional. I spent the day with two different groups of woman and I have to sat I like being steamrolled. Ok I will get them done and will get my ears pierced again. 

God being worthy

Today has been a day full of God's mercy though at times I do not see it as such. I see not what is not real. Not what is fantastical. I stumbled heavily today and I see why. I wanted my own way and when I did not get it I read something God absolutely hates. Something that takes God's ideal and pollutes it. I am still bitter yet God please give me grace to be kind. To love in spite of sorrow and to cling to Jesus in all circumstances.

Sick days

I am at home really missing my mom right now.

My heart the idol factory

I have found that the longer I am a Christian the easier distractions come. I want to serve I want to love Jesus. I want to spend my life with Jesus. I want Jesus to see and know that it is He working in me that has me acting the way I do. Yet its easy to want and covet and get angry when I do not get what I want. Hey may God kill my flesh.

Fear

I don't know I am in such an ackward state in my life not knowing what the future brings. Yet I struggle to trust. I have been stumbling lately yet today will be better. Yesterday was a great day I spent an hour with an older guy who treats me like a daughter. That is a refreshing change God graciously gave me time with his word. I am working on reading two books Lord Only You Can Change Me by Kay Arthur and This Momentary Marriage by John Piper.

What is actually knowing God.

It is easy when growing up in a "religious" family to believe you know everything about God. While growing up I have thought God was a powerless dictator who demanded all and yet did nothing to aid His creation. I looked at the needy of the world. I myself was needy and was overwhelmed with a self-righteous indignation about the God of the bible. Who worked like a magician for those who had faith, who granted life, wealth, and health according to our faith.Yet it was only by reading God's word that I found out who God is. His Holiness, His Love, His thoughts which are higher than my thoughts. Praise is due to Him. I better be off my roommate is telling me to get ready.

Life and death

I found out yesterday someone from my work just died. It was strange. Yet God was over all of it. From the news coverage what one is able to gleen from the info is that his car drove into a pond. He got out of the car. Called a tow truck and then sat in the side of the road waiting. He did not drown but just died. The authorities found him. I don't get it at all. Yet I know God was over all of it. We are but a vapor here today and gone tomorrow. God has numbered my day and I trust he will not have me die until I accomplish all He has made me do.

A time with God

I went to sleep at 10:00 and God woke me up at 4:30 am. I started the day with what will not compel me to Christ but may this time be redeemed.

Prayers

God, please strengthen the faith of my group, may they learn from Your word who You are. Give them brokenness of their sin that You may be glorified. God may love for You overflow in their lives. Give them boldness to proclaim Your goodness, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God set Your seal on seal. Keep them by Your Strength. Make them lights that shine with Your Radiance in the darkness.

God You are my provider and strength. God set my eye on You. Change me into the woman You want me to be. I do not know where my future lies but Lord that each day each moment may be to glorify You. I am guilty of so much sin. I am undeserving of the grace that You have upon me daily. God thank you for redeeming me. For taking the just punishment I deserve. God You are precious, cloaked in majesty. A humble King, Holy and Just. Jesus You were crushed by the Father in my stead. You have given me eternal life with You. May my joy be You.

Thoughts

I have wanted for the longest time been distracted at times thinking that I lack something in my life. That a husband and children are what I am missing. It is not true, it is a lie from the pit of hell. I LACK NO GOOD THING IN CHRIST!!! God has been so good to me and continues to give me victory over sin. May I look to Christ as the only with can truly satisfy He is the true bread and His blood the true drink. Sealed by his blood to a treasure that is imperishable and that lies in wait for us.

Where is my trust?

It is so easy to question God. Why did God allow this to happen? Is God always good? Why does He not answer my prayer? I have realized this is a sin. Yes I do want to know why God does what He does. Why does He do what He does, yet what is this for me to know? I am but a woman made of clay. God will let me know in His timing what He has planned. While I wait I pray for grace and a deeper trust that His plans are better than my own. He is my provider and has provided all my needs. I should trust that I who have been adopted as His daughter by the blood of Christ through the Holy Spirit which cries Abba, Father. I used to believe the promises of sin, do this and you will be happy, commit this and you'll feel good. Yet it was a lie, the wages were death so why do I think at times the God can't be trusted. Yet He has provided a job for me, a place to live, friends who care, and most precious of all an eternity full of pure, innocent, undefiled joy. God may I trust You.

Right Motives

James 4:3
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on
your passions.

God has given me much. My life, He provides for me like no one else
has ever done. He has dressed me in His righteousness. Yet I have been
bitter and selfish. God had not been my portion. God sees me as He has
made me. I get bitter at times because men at church when they see me
share the Gospel convicts them and have them admire my zeal. Yet its
rank unbelievers who pay attention. God sees me and loves me despite
me. I ask and ask and at times I fear the future, yet God will not
leave me or forsake me. When I am not distracted I see Him for who He
is. He knows me no one else does. Today I look forward to His return.
I have no regrets except the moment that I did not see the Lord as all
sufficient.

Truth on the 4th of July

This day has been one to point to Christ and even throughout my day I have seen His mercy. I had the chance to fellowship with other believers tonight, to share the Gospel. I am still growing in Christ and realize more than anything I need Him. Encouragement is beyond me right now, but I see His mercy at work. In His Word I see that He is not only the One True God, He is the Wonderful Counselor and Everlasting Father. How do I as a woman live my life to glorify God. It is not wasting money, it is giving ones time to the needy (I am convicted of that today). I have been reading Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? It is a book that strangely enough does not focus on marriage but strikes at the sins that flourish in the life of a single and even married Christian women. It is easy in my singleness to be me centered yet I have found in God's word that it is not about me its about Christ it is being a slave to Him and serving the body in thankfulness that Christ has given us the opportunity to live for Him. May He bind me together with Him, conforming me to His image. I need God to show me daily who I am without Him. I am a sinner saved by an Amazing Wonderful Awesome God.

Temptation

With me music and dancing are a big temptation. I like latin dancing and its hard to reconcile what I want to learn with my faith. I don't want to be close to another person and the thing is it seems the more vain and even intimate it is the better. Sighing, at my computer. God has been so good to grant me victory and He was what drove me away from my computer last night. Praise Jesus. I am starting to let people in, I just hope that I will not be hurt.

Lately

I have only gotten the chance recently to speak my mind on something that has been on my mind. I have been going out and God has been working within me. I realize something people, when God does a good work through me have mentioned what was done in front of people. I do not live before Jesus so I can get at-a-girls from people. Praise be to Jesus that He would look upon a woman like me. I am nothing yet Christ renews me, and has put a right spirit within me. Jesus has given me so much. I wish people would see the Jesus I know. The lion the lamb, the living water, the bread of life, the way, the truth, the life, and light of man. He is the Word and the Word was with God an the Word was God. Jesus is the true freedom, the solid rock. He is the wisdom and power of God. Look to HIM!!!!

Coveting and Unwise Speech

Its been a while and God has done so many wonderful things in my life. He has given me shelter, friends, and a job. He has led me to the wilderness where it is just me and God where I la my heart before Him, and He comforts me according to the riches of His mercy. I am tempted to not trust in his goodness of time and wondering what the future holds. Am learning that wise speech heals and I have to pray and trust that God has better plan than anything I could write or plan.

Imperishable Beauty

I have been in the middle of a battle this weekend. It seems as if the work that God would have me do have increased attacks not by people but by thoughts. Yet Jesus is a God not only of mercy but of battle. He has been so merciful to me and has shown me time and time again He is my strength and my song. Of whom shall I be afraid? Now about what I have learned about beauty. It is fleeting. I may look pretty to the world with the curly hair and tan skin yet as I see the gray hairs. As laugh lines crinkle the corners of my eyes, God has shown me something precious. The beauty that I want to cultivate is not found in a magazine but developed and beheld by an audience of one, Jesus Christ. He is my righteousnous, creates in me a quiet and gentle spirit, humbles me, and puts in me a desire to think of others higher than self. That I may have a beauty like that. So I stand in armor, to fight the good fight of faith, yet I also stand clothed in the righteousness of Christ, adorned by Him in jewels that reveal His work within me. It matters not if anyone else sees because what I do is for the audience of One. I am my beloved's and His desire is towards me. Praise be to the King of kings and Lord of lords.

Love, Life, and Abiding in Christ

Yesterday was an eye opener for me. On the bus when people are being rude and loud and disturbing others I used to get so annoyed, yet God has given me a love for them that was not there before. I tried to give the person a tract and wanted so much to share the gospel with them. Anyway God sees and I pray that someone will have the opportunity to say Jesus Christ is the only one who can satisfy the longing of your soul. When I was a hedonist I was going to write a story with the title No Man Can Satisfy Me, how strange that even as an agnostic that thought came into my head.
God's word has been taking root. I have a deep hunger for it and have found more and more in the old testament pointing to Christ. In Ecclesiastes, the Preacher the son of David says that God has set eternity in the heart of man, and that he perceived that what God does endures forever. Isn't that amazing even then they saw eternity before them. God is so good.
I put my life in God's hands may He use it for His purposes. I pray that I may have an opportunities to share the Gospel.

A blur going by

For a few minutes
Dominating the landscape
Markers two feets high
Their color varying according to how long
These men have been dead
Some are yellowed rom long wear other a white marble
In an infantry pattern
Thousands of stones in formation
Military men asleep
For a few minutes they pass by crystal clear in the wake of a train
Will the troops awaken to a different battle

A road diverged and realizing it

Well I am realizing that watching TV really does not aid in growth unless its shows like Word Pictures. I have been begging God that He might continue to change my heart and mind towards Jesus Christ. I have been realizing I need to learn what true submission is. I realize my impatience just shows when I am not. I pray that God's will be done. He has blessed me so much even in me being ill. I have asked God to humble me He is definitely working to grow me into the type of woman that will give him much glory. My eyes are on Jesus His work is truly beautiful. I have been reading a book by Elisabeth Elliot calll Let Me Be a Woman it has taught me so many things. To trust God, that He made me a woman for a reason, that I have to pour out myself to others, and that my feminity is not stunted and can be used to aid other women. I hope in God, trust in God, and will pour myself out for God.

God at Work

Unbelievers scare me because at times they try to fly the banner of Christ but if one looks closer at the banner one can see its made up of lewd acts strung together and a mockery of the cross at the center. They dare fly the banner all the while disobeying God's word. God calls us to holiness. Are believers supposed to look like the world, act like the world, and love the world? God says clearly those that love the world do not have the Father. Circumstances that are hard come to the life of unbelievers and believers alike. Yet believers (meaning those who are new creations through the abiding work of Jesus Christ) see this as a trial meant to draw them closer to God, for His glory. To unbelievers its an inconvenience God should take away. Some protest Jesus is my savior a friend told me something along these lines they call His savior but He is not their Lord. Those He has saved have Him as Lord their banner was made by Christ in a glowing radience no human can make. We are saved by an innocence not our own. WE NEED CHRIST! If you don't depend on Him what makes one think He has saved you? Everyone needs the salvation purchased by Christ on the cross. The question is if God saved you how can you remain the same.

Taste and see that God is good

I was late this morning and missed 2 session. I went to my 2nd conference. It has been a blessing but I can honestly say I am more in awe of God. There were very well known speakers and I am glad I spent the money. I just want so much to go out and tell everyone about the awesome God I serve. I guess what I am hoping is that I do not get complacent in my walk. That I look to Christ who justifies me. That I look to the cross, and say behold that is where Jesus redeemed me and made me His child, was not one of His names in Isaiah mighty Father? I have been blessed and it brings me into a joy that God will complete the work in me. God will humble me and have me as a slave to righteousness all of His doing and I will enjoy it because in His presence there is fullness of joy. He is the living water, the bread, the first born of all creation and He has set me free. Hell is real yet that is not the reason to Christ. Heaven is real but that is no reason to turn to Christ. Jesus is the reason for His glory, for the fame of His Name.
I am a woman, a redeemed sinner who longs to reflect God in a gentle and quiet nature. In whatever way He plans for me I will submit to. In singleness or marriage God will be my portion not because of my doing but because not one person held in His hand shall be lost. Praise be to God.

Its Friday

This week has flown by. Moving and bible study and potluck, now at the conference. I an waiting now so sleepy I wonder if I can take a nap in the little room I am hiding out at. I have to wait until 1. Yesteday was such a blessing so many different people blessed by different verses in God's word. I have been thinking about God about Jesus. It has been so different trusting upon God. I want Him to know everything. God helps meplease Him by having His Holy Spirit santify me. I am so sleepy. Blessed by friends.

Diary of a Christian female 4/3/11

How great is Jesus that He changes lawbreakers to the image of His Son? Sons and daughters of the Most High, who He is, is too wonderful too Holy for me to understand. In love because He has love me so I seek a life that is centered on Christ. Living in repentance and faith daily and looking at the Cross where Jesus paid my penalty. I am a woman a bossy, proud, loud woman who needs the work of the Holy Spirit to make me into a quiet, and gentle and submissive woman, who fears the Lord and long to look upon Him for the satisfaction of my soul. There are days when idols and fears prop up and I my thoughts sin against God but I am fighting that when my thoughts turn to pride or fear or coveting that I may trust in God and if He is to be trusted to take the penalty or my evil how shall I not trust Him to sustain me, to love me, to change me into so much more than my sinful flesh could be. May these reflections bring glory to Jesus Christ for so great a salvation that reveals His Wisdom and His Power.

Learning then living

I like this quote "live and learn are for those in the world". Christians should learn from God's word and mature believers how to live according to God's standard. Most people tell me how can a person learn if not by living it out. Its like a person jumping into a swamp with signs warning of alligators and only after being maimed by the animal keeping away. How many people have been injured by different sins by hatred, by disobedience, by wanting what is not yours, by lust for another person.  I am maimed and that made me realize God gave these admonitions to prevent guilt and shame. Its like Genesis 2:25  And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. If we take heed to the warnings of the bible we will not fear anyone's gaze but also our righteousness is from God.

Diary of a Christian female 4/1/11

I have realized that maybe the way I worded the title of my entries showed much about my heart I was defining myself as a single first and Christian second. It is Christ who defines me and my life. I am out and about today worked for 5 hours and some change. I am feeling ok contemplating about God and what He wants to make of me. Right now He is my portion. May He forever be so.

Discipleship

I listened to a sermon on discipleship and I know there is a large need for it among Christians due to the fact that people perish from lack of knowledge. Women need to be taught by older godly women and men need to be taught by older men. This particularly gets me if women are in Titus 2 groups to learn to be godly women, wives, mothers, singles, what about the men? Where do they learn to be godly men, husbands, fathers and singles? No one has arrives but surely we can learn from older believers. The true heart change is God's work yet we are called to exhort and encourage those in the family of Christ. May God raise up godly older male and female believers to teach those new to the faith and those who need people to come alongside. I am praying for both male and females. Go learn then live to the glory of God.

To be a woman

I grew up being told that being a woman meant cleaning, cooking, being ladylike, doing laundry, and other household things, then later it was competing academically, being successful. It stuck with me a while, it was what my mom wanted.
Recently I have learned that this is the life God has given to me for His good pleasure. That I live a life that is transparent, that screams Jesus Christ is Lord, the God may cultivate in me godly character and a need and desire for Christ. Material things do not matter, success in the eyes of the world does not matter. What God has taught me is that what He wills, what He desires from His children is what matters. Fear God, love God, love all the believers, and proclaim the works of Jesus Christ to all who would believe. I am a sinner who God has brought to life and I wait upon Him. SOLA DEO GLORIA!!!

Salvation 2

In verse 22 "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?" This may not apply to the many who after they said a prayer that had no affect on their lives saying they are believers. I am not speaking as someone who is a humble woman who God's Spirit has graced her with gentleness and a beauty that may not be outward but inside. I long to be a woman like that. I am not a model of virtue I am a sinner saved by the grace of God who knows what its like to long for the salvation of people dear to me. Examine yourself in light of what the bible says. Giving ascent to the life and acts of Jesus does not save a person. Neither does does works because as it says in Psalm 51:16-17 "For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." What can we sinful man give to a Holy, just, eternal all-powerful God? The earth is His. Do not be flippant about the salvation that comes from Jesus Christ. He is the One True God all others are idols. We have broken His law, knowing that what we have earned in our time on earth is Hell with our lies, the desires for things and circumstances that do not belong to us, disobediance, and hatred. Yet God the Father was merciful in sending His Only Son to fulfill the law by never sinning, and being crushed by God the Father on the cross for OUR sin. Then rose on the third day victorious over sin and death. If God has saved you, your life should be characterized by a love for Jesus Christ that makes everything else count as loss next to the surpassing glory of knowing Jesus Christ our Lord. Second a daily repentance and a complete trust upon Him, for everything, salvation being foremost. So repent and believe in Jesus Christ. I trust that God who saved a persecuter of Christians, saves!

Salvation 1

I am going to be blunt if Jesus is not first and foremost in your life and affection you may not be a believer. The scriptures say to examine yourselves to make sure you are in the truth. I am not one to give anyone false assurance, it would be truly wicked of me to tell a person they are saved and then have them go to hell for eternity. Examine yourself not in light of what I say but in light of the bible. It says in 1 John 1:6 "If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth." I am not super spiritual or a santita (saint) well maybe I am a saint but only as a work of God. I am not don't this to injure but to tell the truth. If you love the world, the clothes, the shoes (I am convicted about this one), the material things that in the end will not profit you. We live the world the way we enter it, bare. It says in 1 John 1:15-17 "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions-is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." Look God in salvation will not let you remain the same if you run to sin His children He chastises. The supernatural work of God the Holy Spirit sanctifies a believer.
I grew up in Pentecostal churches where the standard of salvation seemed to be if you shook and spoke in tongue. They did want the members to behave holy and saintly but as a law that must be followed not as a work that the Spirit does, as it says in John 3:21 "But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God." God sanctifies not you behave in order to be seen as saved. Our good works are as filthy rags. Those who cried out "Lord, Lord" in Matthew 7 tried to gain entry by saying...

Marriage and the Single wannabe matchmaker

I will admit it I know Godly young women who God is adorning with precious gifts to give to the church and their future husbands and children. I notice how God is changing them, and see this work Jesus Christ is continuing to do. I pray for the single women I know that God would sanctify their future spouses with a love for himself, and a passion for God to be honor and cherished and learned about from His word. So yeah I sometimes wish I could set people up but truth is God will bring about such a thing in His perfect timing. I almost found myself crying when I realized God has led me to give this desire over to Him. Almost my foot I am shedding joyous tears. I want to admonish all my sisters to seek the Lord above all else and He will grant you the desires of your heart, of course if it is according to God's sovereign will. Praise the Lord.

Dance

I like dancing and every other Friday it is what I have been up to. I like salsa, cumbia, bachata, and merengue. Yet tonight I turned into a pumpkin at 9:45 pm. Except its only in bachata that I am making my most progress. Saw a pair of red high heeled dancing shoes. I am thinking of taking classes though what for? If this is just for fun why take classes? This is my third time going to the social dance studio its not a club but its definitely fun and very good exercise. Yet I still want those red high heeled sandals maybe I should pray about it, about dancing and the shoes. Well heading to my sister's, praise God.

My life in technicolor

When black and white TVs became color surely it must have been transforming. Yet still today people are trying to make the color as realistic as ever, unfortunately it is not the same as reality. There is an author I love Alcorn that in some of his books call life on Earth, life in the Shadowlands. We are blinded at times to the proximity and presence of God. I long to stand in the brilliance of His light, beholding the glory that is Jesus Christ. I have been thinking much about God about my life, about his goodness. I am happy which is weird because of how I have been a watering pot. Its been just me and God and though temptation has come along He has set my eyes upon Him. Found out one of my friends is having a baby I cannot wait to see her in April. I want to be a Godly woman. I am bossy, loud, and opinionated. I am thinking about heading to the Gym and working out then heading to the library. Tomorrow I will check out clothes for Friday.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 3/13/11

I was at the Y with my brother, 2 sisters, and my nephew. I chased after that little boy we shot hoops together, ran together, and when he was upset he ran to me and reached up his little arms. I love spending time with family. I am looking for a job earnestly and place that need before God. I am making progress on the headband I am making for my sister. I am my happiest when its me lounging around with my sisters. We bicker, we tease, and we love. My nephew can't sleep and its so easy for me to close my eyes and be dreaming I a moment. God has been taking away my trust in people and circumstaces and placing my trust Christ and in the He is sovereign and knows me all the way to my core. He knows the desires of my heart. I better get to sleep, so sleepy.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 3/9/10

It is easy to recognize, the pattern in music and my feet just want to move and dance. I will get my hair done and makeup, and wear a cute outfit... Hmmm to the glory of God. I guess that is always a way to check our motive, to see if we are walking in the light. God has given us so many good things celebrations, feasts, games, riddles, there are pleasures with God that make what is found on earth so puny. It does not compare to the joy found in God. I am of to do exercise and think about things I finished Til We Have Faces and realized that its true what is said there is no such thing as as Aphrodite or Cupid, or Psyche but C S Lewis did illustrate something when a close relationship is altered because God becomes more to the other person. There is a jealousy that rises up against God, a hatred the He now has affections that should have been bestoyed to them. Yet Jesus is beautiful, glorious the only one worthy of such affection of adoration of faith and love. I have been thinking about that.

True Love Waits

I am not going to rant about how the world goes about love and marriage because the ways of the world neither the flesh please God. The love of Christ we have is the most precious gift, second is the shadow of this love, the love between a husband and wife. This is not something to awaken before its time as if often repeated in Song of Solomon. That love God uses in sanctificying both the husband and the wife. They are one just we are one in Christ. Waiting is nothing compared to what one gains in the waiting.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 2/27/11

Its in correction by a faithful brother or sister that God may expose sin and draw one towards repentance. It was Sunday when I started writing this frankly all that seems to happen is seeing more and more sin in my life but at least I am keeping away from a sin that I have been fighting against since late November of 2009. Yet its only by focusing on Jesus, his death on the cross, and his resurrection, that sin and the world is overcome. We have been joined with Him in His death and resurrection that sin no longer has power over us. I am in a battle and only with God on my side will I overcome.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 2/25/11

There has been so much to think about. Praying that God would change me. I am looking for a room to rent. Realize I need God, I need to change. Praying that God directs my steps. I don't know what the future holds and I being a person who plans, wants everything to go according to plan. Yet its not my plan its God's plan. I am blessed by God and want to draw ever closer to God and I have found that He is always near. I as I am, am driven to wander away from God, to seek what only He can give elsewhere. I wanted a true Father who would guide me to be ever closer to God. I wanted to walk on the path with others. I sought a perfecting love from those who sought to be served, and control over me. All the while God is worthy to be served, yet humbled himself to the point of death on a cross. God is in control over everything, nothing is a surprise to Him. To glorify God is the reason why I live. I am putting my trust in God in the matter of marriage. He has placed this desire within me and I know it is not in vain. I pray that God would sanctify my future husband, that he is given a servant's heart, that his hope is in God and that he is a man after God's heart, I pray that he is learning to be a biblical leader, and is learning how to wash a wife in the word and lead his family. I pray that God would test his faith through fire. I pray that he be in God's word and be passionate to proclaim the Gospel, and the works of Christ. That wherever he is the God guide him and watch over him. I pray that he be a humble godly man whose trust is upon Christ. I pray for myself that I seek God, that I may be a humble woman who hopes upon Christ. I pray that God may break me, sanctify me, test me that on the day of his return I may be found spotless and without stain, that I may be in God's word and trusting on His promises. I pray that God readies me to be a woman who loves her husband and children, and that my heart and that of my husband to be guarded, not to seek love early.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 2/22/11

Well this week has been hard. I want a job so I will be looking harder.I have been blessed to feel the presence of the Lord keenly. The bible has one main premiss JESUS. He is the man-God to be worshipped and treasured. Our lives have to be about Him. I hope that is what my life says but I am sure one or two things can be said 1) She really holds marriage in high esteem or 2) Jesus is the most important thing to her. I would rather it be Jesus but sometimes I am afraid I may give the impression that marriage is most important to me. Die to self and live for Christ, going down in a blaze of glory is quick but to repent and trust upon God daily it will have so much fruit when one opens their eyes to the true reality.

Romans 8:5-15

For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh-- for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"

Diary of a Single Christian Female 2/20/11

I am often wondering what does the future have for me. Where I am supposed to be and where I am supposed to go? Yet right now I am excited about what the future holds. I am free, free. He has set me on the high places, anxious to see Him face to face. I see the woman He wills for me to be and I know that if my eyes are set upon Him, I shall overcome sin, and my flesh will be put to death. To Christ alone be the glory.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 2/17/11

I love kids they are so sweet and needy. I am blessed to be in a church where I can serve in that way. 12 Children 4 workers a wonderful time had by all until the talk about marriage and children, come on why talk about. I had three kids near me at one point and I remembered my mom saying that when she hugged us she felt full. Yet its only a shadow of what will be felt in heaven. Maybe that is what I love about children and about marriage because they point to the closeness and love of Jesus Christ. When we draw near to God we are filled with Him, his love, his grace. No other pleasure compares to this, all else is a counterfeit. God has been gracious to me the last three days. Its had but I am in the midst of battle for purity and for God to be first. May all honor be to Jesus Christ.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 2/11/11

So much can happen in a week and I feel free. God is really good to me and I am hoping to find out what is in store for me. I am not going back to school because that will drive me crazy. I am so easily distracted. I am praying the Word is all I need.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 2/5/11

What does love look like? The cross, a man giving his life to people who are undeserving but have become sons and daughters, fellow heirs. It looks like a man drawing his unfaithful wife to a place where he cares for her and loves her and makes her forget all the men she had been unfaithful with. It is a humbling thing to love another, because it means serving them esteeming them higher than self. Yet God, Jesus Christ must be first and foremost in one's affections. Love wants what is best, what will make us more conformed to God's image. It wants the other washed clean by the word. I am prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love and yet I wake up in the morning because of His mercy upon me. How could I be so cold?

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/31/11

Its humbling to change really dirty diapers. I tried to do the best I could but then and there I longed for nasal conjestion. Just kidding. Kids are such a blessing and it is so humbling to clean a poopy baby. I think that must be why some of the godliest women I know are mothers. I say some because I know some really godly single gals as well. I was puzzled by something as well but I will keep that between me and God. Also I have noticed that I am tempted more often when I am really sleep. I have to be careful about that and will be in God's word and pray before sleeping.

Diary of a Single Christian Woman 1/26/11

It is such a challenge for me since I spend so much of my time alone. I am surrounded by good books. Yet when I am alone its me, God, my flesh, and temptation. Yet I have been so tired, so weary of fighting that instead of fleeing I have let temptation overcome me and it gave birth to sin. I am alone in my room today but not for much longer. I was encouraged so much yesterday that this morning I put on my armor and am holding my weapon thst I may be defended from the fiery darts of the evil one. I was preached a sermon on Romans 8:8 by a woman the I have been blessed to know. I praise God that He does not have me walking the road alone though I do sometimes try to lose the people I am with. I am blessed by Jesus and better get to applying for health care.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/21/10

Singhing to myself. Its easy when I am tempted or stumble that I fall back into the ways I used to do things when I wasn't a Christian. I used to pretend I was the good daughter while behind the backs of those who thought they knew me I would take pleasure in defying their expectations. This was bad in high school but came to a head almost a year ago. I felt nothing at the time. It is easy to hide, to keep a desire hidden and for bitterness to take root. Yet God draws me away like the rebellious wife who was punished then drawn away and cherished by her husband. I am loved by God yet why is it so easy to spurn His affection in my desire for... a shadow of it and nothing more.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/16/11

Why have I gotten myslef into this I start books and never finish them. Yet now I am doing a study on both singleness and marriage. Yes I have read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl, and now I am reading When I Don't Desire God (upon the suggestion of a friend), This Momentary Marriage, Did I kiss Marriage Goodbye?, and will read Sacred Marriage. I guess I have always felt that my singleness was a stagnant unproductive period of waiting. What am I to do with femininity? Anyway I am readying myself either way. First and foremost in fearing and trying to make sure that I seek to love Jesus Christ who is one with the Father. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above so have I treated singleness as a gift? I can actually say finally sometimes I do. I am blessed in my alone time with God. Marriage is for sanctification, and to display Christ and his relationship with the church. As a single one displays Christ's work of salvation and regeneration. So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the Glory of God. Hmmm I asked God the other day when is a woman ready for love? I love Hosea and how God allures her in the wilderness. All the names of the baals are taken away and instead of being call my Master God is called my husband . I read then Ezekial 16 thanks to some help, and that is where the question arose. In the new testament I read something about how husbands are to wash their wives in the water of the word. In Ezekial she grows unwashed and uncovered and he enters into a covenant with her. I love that. Ooops I have been sidetracked anyway I have learned this I am not stunted or waiting. God gave me this desire for a reason but I am not going to twiddle my thumbs until it comes. I am going to seek to love God more, to serve the church, and to do what Christ would have me to. I pray that I may be a light. To be a woman tranformed because I beheld the rock of my salvation, the wisdom of God. Praise be to the Lord.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/13/11

I was given good advice by a woman who seeks to serve God and though I resented yesterday I know it was done out of love for God and myself. I am blessed with friends who seek God, long for God. I am focused on the prize to see Christ. I don't know what the future will bring yet I know the God has plans that I do not anticipate so that He not anything else has my attention.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/12/11

It is so easy to hide, to lie to sin and yet the Holy Spirit is at war against it within me. I see the advice and frankly at times I just think being a hedonist was so much easier and with less accountability. I open up a little a tiny bit but its God who sees it all. I have lost weight but not to gain attention from the male populace at Bethlehem but because God made my gluttony known to me. It was so much easier laughing about messed up things over drinks than cry about them before God. Yet my longing is to see Christ to be with Him for eternity. Christianity is by the aid of the Spirit and its hard. At times I miss the easy days and that is when Christ impresses upon me himself. Today I am out and about I will put everything away and worry about it tomorrow.

Diary of a Single Christian Woman 1/11/11

Modesty is hard yesterday my brother himself said I should pull a shirt up. Then the black and white pic that I took a month ago showed cleavage well at least I was rebuked for that one. Though maybe it was also the reason I took that picture... Anyway I am overhauling my facebook and deleting people I never met and don't know I realized I had almost 600 friends and only met and spoken to a whole lot less. I better get started with my day I hope that today unlike yesterday I can have more communion with God. Nightmares and bad dreams crept up yesterday they usually do but then I played the book of John. And I had no dream just rest. I miss...

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/8/11

My day was adventuresome and troubled. I see clearly what God has done in me. What I had used to bring me happiness had been but a trap, born of my sinful nature. I was a slave to it with... Yet God did that gave me victory over sin each day and yet daily I realize my need of Jesus Christ who tells me to lift my cross and follow Him. What true joy is this found only in Jesus Christ the God-man who died for undeserving sinners praise be to Him.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/7/11

I read in the book Lies Women Believe that our emotion do not excuse sin. That is the truth. Though I thought the underlying motive was righteous anger it was pride and sorrow. I was impatient and angry at being undermined. Anyway you know each day is a battle to have Jesus as Lord. I have decided to watch out for temptation. I can't wait for church tomorrow.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/6/11

Well my gossiping tongue has reared its ugly head and after taking care of the sweetest little kids.
I was confronted with my immodesty by a kind mature Christian. I was doing things inadvertantly yet did I cause a brother to stumble. Hmmm caused me to look at what I wear to make sure no outline is showing. Yet I see firsthand how much of my outfits are snug.
anyway now for good news by the grace and mercy of God I have been spending good times in fellowship. He is faithful when I am faithless. I have also had nice talks with sisters in the Lord very encouraging. :-)

Diary of a single Christian female 1/5/11

I had a wonderful conversation with a girl from my bible study. I have two sister yet since we have been adults we act differently around each other. Our personalities different. My older sister is the take charge, tough chick, yet is also soft, prone to hurt by callous words (of which I have been guilty of many times, she is self-sufficient, works hard, and tries hard to raise her son. Me I am the space cadet, tactless, annoying, passionate, and overbearing hopefuly God will work on the sinful attributes to my character. Then there is my little sister, she is the little wifey God has gifted her with the abilities neccesary to be a good wife and mother, she is sweet, funny, stubborn, annoying at times, and I love both my sisters very much. We complement each other and I am grateful for however much time I have on this earth that God gave them to me as sisters. I would talk about my brothers but I will just say they are handsome and sweet and one is tickling hahahaha.
Anyway I was talking about how God should be our primary affection and how all good gifts flow from Him. In reading chapter 7 from Spiritual Disciplines of the Christian Life I realized how God could gift us with material things in this life, beauty, power, and other things yet if this life is but a breath and we don't get the opportunity to spend eternity with Him, get to know Him, love Him what is the money, the travel the good looks worth if that is what you get and this life on earth is but a vapor.
What will it matter if in a hundred years the little insignificant things of this world are gone?
May God be my treasure. May I count it all as loss compared to the supassing joy of knowing Christ.
Also last night I watched someone flip through an album of a Christian couple and I avoided looking at it like the plague. I also fleed from where the romance novels were in the library. There is a temptation that distracts me from living how God call me to live. Yet I am held accountable. Praise God.

From where it comes

What is the foundation we must have to love others? I have a habit of not letting others get to close. Of driving guys away before they see the evil and wickedness within. Before they can see my constant battle with my sin. Yet I forget everyone is sinful, has their own struggles. One thing I must do is be who I am. Open myself up to rebuke and affection. Actually say "hi" to my neighbors. Live as Christ in humbleness, boasting in Christ, serving, and glorifying God. I will try and by the grace of God I hope the Holy Spirit works on that. God please help me.