Truthfulness

Submission and masochism, physical pain is easier to deal with than deeply ingrained emotional sorrow. I think that is why it appeals to my flesh. When my mom was dying I would go on websites and troll for a dominating figure who enjoyed inflicting pain. I was wrong, wrong to seek that as an avenue of escape instead of accepting God's will. I just right now just want to hide.

When Bitterness Strikes

Call me Amarga

Because bile rises within and gets stuck in my throat

And cutting words remain there scraping and fighting to be released

The vitriol, cynicism, and heart ache welling

Yet I swallow them back rather to have the poison spread within

Then have it hurt those around me

The Past is the Past

There are so many shoulda could a but didn't. God planned all things according to His will. He is good for that but that does not make it any easier. These was a lot of temptation yesterday but today is better. One day at a time is all I can do. I think for the sake of my wellbeing I need to ponder whether some things are good for me. If they do not bring me closer to Jesus I need to walk away. These two months have been hard but God is greater than all my sin. 

Advent: The coming Messiah and lamenting during a season of rejoicing

 We are in a fallen world. A world which is cursed and dying. Yet as the people of God we are meant to be light in the midst of such darkness. Each year around this period between November and January I find myself in a lot of inner turmoil and sorrow and this year I find it to be worse. I have been alone before during this season so that is not new. I am sure I will be cooking again and that is not a bad thing... Maybe its just that its one more death, one more trial and I am weary of fighting but I am resolved not to give in to the lie of sin which tells me that it will temporarily assuage the sadness. I hug my family extra right now.... Anyway I love my family and church peeps. Hopefully I will not sink into depression hopefully God will keep me. I hope that I will react by being filled with hope that Christ came and He has promised to return.

God You have been there through all my ups and down. You have granted me eternal life despite the times I took You for granted. This life is yours my time is Yours I submit and trust that You will be glorified the more I trust in You. Thank You Lord Jesus. Amen.

Reconciliation and Healing

I think I will be fine. I realize more that needs to change. I need patience and love. I am glad that I was able to get closure on everything that has happened. I will have grace on others.

He gently prunes the tree

Who laments every lost branch

Cutting away what is dead and decaying

To bring forth new growth and maybe even

An abundance of fruit

thoughts 12/11/2020

It's early morning and I am awake been awake since 3:34 am. Yet what has been on my mind? I am going to give the Gospel. I am not going to stand idly by while a person who looks like the world and acts like the world says they are a sheep. I am not going to pretend. I am not going to make excuses when looking into their actions one can see they are about the devil's business. God grant me the opportunity to share the Gospel. Give me eyes to see your glory, your power. Work in thus world according to your will. Save sinners to the uttermost. Help me, grant me more love for you, and bless your people that they be emboldened to live lives that reflect Jesus. Amen.

A broken and contrite heart and the love of God for His Bride

When I was 13 and already had surpassed my mother in height I wore her dress to church and while hiding in the pew I read the raciest verses in the bible. The text found in Song of Solomon was titillating, scandalous, and as a pervy kid I did not seek what was behind it. 

Yet now as an adult, just plain me, cling to verses in Song of Solomon as an example of the love of God for his church.

Song of Solomon 2:10-13 ESV

My beloved speaks and says to me: "Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.

God's love is promised. Right now I am feeling a bit melancholy but it will get better.

Social Media Image

I struggle a lot. At work I get annoyed and angry. At home I keep lecturing. I see faults in everyone and most of all in me.

It's easy on different platforms to set myself up as this spiritual super Christian yet have days when my eyes take in iniquity as if it were water. Days that I do not read God's word because I know in it will be conviction. I feel dirtied because of my sin and something tells me how could I go to God like this. God will not despise a broken and contrite heart. God says come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest for your soul. 

God here I am, my sin ever before You but I know that the sacrifice of Your Son is sufficient for all my sin. So my hope is not in my Bible reading, is not in my prayers, is not on how kind I am to anyone on any given day. My hope is that your mercy reaches to the sky. I often feel like the leper in Matthew who comes to Jesus and says, "Lord if you will, you can make me clean."

So here I am in all my mess and sorrow, asking You to help me. Give me a greater love for You, by Your Holy Spirit empower me to obey You. Let me see that You are my portion in the land of the living. I place before You my brothers and sisters knowing their need of You,Your working in their lives and in their families, both saved and lost. That You be foremost in our affections, and that we would could everything as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing You Christ Jesus as Lord. Amén.

Thinking critically about this year

This year has seen the death of my dad, the rise of an evil hidden sin in my life, the dissolution of a year long relationship, and now the ending of another relationship. After my dad died I realized how much of a part of my life my dad was. I saw him on Saturdays. He really loved me in his way. His death happened days after speaking to my Pastor about sin problems in a relationship.  I miss my dad, I miss his company, I miss his hugs, I miss driving around with him.

In truly thinking about why the year long relationship ended I see that God loves not like man loves I didn't have to flat iron my hair straight, wear jeans more often than I wanted to, be content with being held at arms length all in the hope of love. God's love is better. I was wrong in seeking to prolong it when I was advised time and time again to evaluate the relationship rightly. In my head I want to be with someone I can pray with, who wants to evangelize, who wants to grow in the Lord, who takes the lead in his own faith, who is ready for the next stage in life, I don't want to offer my kids on the alter of making money, I want to stay home with any kids I have. So it was right that God had it end.

Yet after that relationship ended I went right into another relationship without really reconciling everything that has happened. I gave so much of myself to please another person. Then I thought that after meeting someone who loves the Lord that that meant that everything would fall into place. That I would somehow be where God would have me but the sin kept getting worse and worse and I hated it and myself and would find myself fearing to die, fearing to sleep, fearing to let go. I would eat to be able to sleep or I would not eat because I could control it. I am trusting God that He can heal me that He can give me victory over sin. I entrust with Him my future and I will do what I can to obey Him only by the power and working of the Holy Spirit. 

Finally after everything that has happened I was able to really mourn what I have lost. I hope to love without regrets and to focus on the Lord, so far it has been very cleansing

God help me to put to death the deeds of the flesh and to live by the Spirit because to live by the flesh is death but to live by the Spirit is life and peace. (From Romans 8)

Letter to my parents

 I wish you guys were still around. I wish mom you would tell me to toughen up. I wish I could hug you dad. I am still a little girl at times in need of your guidance. I know though God's leading and wisdom is better. I love you guys as the earthly parents He has provided. This year has been hard but God has been faithful. I fear the loss of freedom. I fear loneliness and isolation. I realize hard things that I have to do in my life to wage war against sin. I just wish you guys were here but just know that God has us in the palm of his hand and he will work out everything for our good.

In the silence

Love real love wants the best for another person. Love wants purity and love in it's proper context will engage Spiritually first, Emotionally second and physically third. There is much I regret yet there is hope. God is gracious to work everything out for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. I want to vomit out all the sin that is within. I want to be unashamedly free. I am tired.

My soul waits

"For God alone my soul wait in silence"

Life is fleeting. Once again I am facing it when I found out another person has passed away. As I grow older the more it comes to mind. I am 36 and I have lost all my grandparents and both my parents, I have lost, uncles, and friends.... What I realized is that God is right in His word when He writes teach me to number my days that I might gain a heart of wisdom. 

Right now I am praying for God to meet me, that my heart overflows with love for Him, that I have a right fear of the Lord... Praying for wisdom is this time as I walk through a strange time where my focus is on the Lord but I know He is planning something behind the scenes. His plans for me are more wonderful than I can imagine.

Thoughts

As people we are really finite. Which is why we have to live every moment in light of Eternity. What do we engage in what do we do? When I was younger I wanted to travel the world and explore and have a wide range of experiences..... I have a desire a missions and to see God glorified n the nations. I want God to fill my life and use my life. To live, laugh and love and to be unashamed at who I am. 

God is good. He has not given me more than I could handle. He has upheld me.

God working

I find that my feelings have been really strange. On Sunday after much prayer and consideration me and my boyfriend broke up. I don't have a woe is me attitude and I actually feel like that was God's answer. I have been blessed by knowing Kurt because knowing him taught me that it is okay to be open to be vulnerable and although it did not go where I wished. It accomplished God's purpose in my life.

What will happen from here I do not know. I will not be dating for two months but I will be spending time with friends. I consider Kurt to be a good friend and I pray that God will do a work in both our lives.

God will do that work.

My question to myself would try again a second time..... Yes but this time hopefully with a solid foundation, seeking the Lord individually and together, prayer for God's will and truly discerning the future. Talking deeply about God and seeing God change us. Anyway I am appreciating the opportunity to cultivate more friendships. I realize God's love is sometimes doing hard things. I see his love more clearly.

God, abide in us that we may bear fruit to glorify Your Name.

Too early God

So tired. I don't like waking up in the middle of the night. God is good in all his works.

Psalm 145:16-19 ESV

You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. 

The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. 

The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. 

He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.

It has been a learning experience. I usually observe and am able to gather information on social interactions. This time Since it is personal I made so many mistakes but God is good and rectified it. I will keep my thoughts about it private. What have I learned that I compromised in what I wanted, someone to pray with, to read the Bible with, who is not content with just church on Sundays... 

God you have been with me and have hemmed me in. I wonder what you want from me but I know that your plan for my good. Help us that you may heal any pain and remove our sin as far as the east is from the west. Make us desire your word. Seek Your Face desire your will. Please be with my church has we desire you above all else. Please bless my friends in all that they entail. I know Your hand shall guide me all the days of my life. I submit to you. Thank you for fixing what I tried to mend by worldly means. 

Your grace is sufficient for me, that is what you showed me in the prayer cabin.

Day 14

 Sigh

LITERARY

feel a deep yearning for (someone or something lost, unattainable, or distant).

Yep that is what I feel. It has been 2 weeks yet I am blind as to how this time has helped. I have spent more time in God's word which it always a good thing. I have seen my impatience and bossiness. Was I better off when my bitter heart would go for sin to appease my sick heart? Obviously not.

I have longed to be married since I was 24 when I saw in the Bible what it could be. My dreams yesterday had me waking up angry. I am now just in turmoil. I am weary and tired and I really don't want to be around anyone today but I know being around brothers and sisters in Christ will help.

God please help, please.

Thoughts

 It was hard going through items and knowing that they were once treasured and now it's just a reminder. My family got together to clean the house. It was hard.

I took a look at the photo albums my brother kindly created for our family. They held so many memories. It is very hard because now in looking at their past it is more clear now that they are not around. What will we be doing light of this? 

One day.... When I close my eyes that final time and I will step away from the pain from the curse from hardship from human frailty....... And my body will be swallowed up by life.....

Day 13

Almost two weeks and its been hard. I realize the necessity but that does not make the kind of dejected feeling I have go away. God is a comfort and has been helpful and has shown his love and care for me.

His word God's word reminds me of His nature and who He is and I love that God is who his words say he is.

Today is a hard day my siblings and I will be cleaning my dad's house. It will be hard to see what he left behind. Even though we are all adults. Cancer is evil I have seen what it does to people and it does not leave anyone unscathed when a loved one suffers from it. 

It is indiscriminate taking both the young and old..... 

I need Jesus. Praying that the God of all comfort will be with us.

Day 12

 I was distracted yesterday and managed to waste so much time reading scifi novels.  What a waste of time.

What have I learned that the Christian Life though consumed by God is not like a big church service 24/7 it's also enjoying what God has provided but walking the fone line of not being distracted from what truly matters. What does this look like? Making God the most important part of your life. Be in the moment love on those around you, other interests are good but not allowing them to take so much of your time and energy. 

So I am at times a hopeless romantic. I want that love that God puts inside a person for the one who will be their spouse. I want to be at a point of having godly leadership and submitting to it. I don't care of it's a new concept as long as there is effort made. Baby steps are okay because even with that is does end up far. 

I am really opinionated.

Father you are the giver of good gifts and even though I fear the future I will trust that You have good in mind for those who love You. Please do a work in us, and reveal Your will, Your ability to change us because though each of your children is different and so is their walk we are all heading in the same direction on the same path. Help us to mature in our faith because of Jesus.

Day 11

 I woke up this morning to an email asking if I was all right because of riots. I don't watch TV so I had no knowledge of anything that happened. I seriously think people who buck against God given law are rebelling against God.

Psalm 2:1-4 ESV

Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD and against his Anointed, saying, "Let us burst their bonds apart and cast away their cords from us." He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision.

God is in charge. I was able to yesterday to hang out with a friend, then speak to another friend I have not seen for a while. God knows that I need the support and God has been showing me his love and support.

Father, because of your Son I come to you knowing you withhold no good thing from those who walk uprightly. God your ways are higher than my way and your thoughts infinitely higher than my thoughts. There has been so much sorrow this year and though I am weak and tired I know you will bring me through. Your will be done. Please make us strong in you willing to lay aside the sin that clings so closely. Let us count everything as loss compared the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus, our Lord. God magnify your name in our lives. Amen.

Day 10- way too early

For a long time I have kept a journal on what a biblical idea of love. It became as overly long manifesto preaching to myself what love is. 

The love that God has for us is a perfecting love that loves us as we are but is constantly wanting us to be more made into the likeness of Jesus. He wants us to be in a close relationship with Him because He is good and with him there is fullness of joy.

I have since the age of 8 had a fascination with romantic love. I was given a romance novel by my aunt and it unfortunately led to much pain and heartache. A mess of tears and wishing and longing for what it has seemed easy for others to have. 

Since I am a mix of a realist and a romantic I have wavered in my views going from a great passionate sweeping declarations knocking me off of my feet love and a pragmatic companion with whom I will share my life with, run the Christian race with, talk to one another about what God has taught us that day. To be able to weather joys and sorrows with. 

So what is it. Love is accepting a person how and who they are, wanting to grow in Jesus together, wanting to maintain purity and yet wanting them with you. 

This week will be very busy, dinners with friends, cleaning my dad's house, church.... Pray that God's will be done. That He shower his grace and kindness, that we not be content with doing the motions of a lackluster faith but that we desire to love God, with ever increasing zeal and passion. May our ways and days be committed to Jesus. Amen.

Day 9

Praying and being in the word is such a help to the Christian life. I think it is easy to be diverted from truly loving Christ by good things or good ideals but its tries to take your attention from what truly matters. We want to be ambassadors for Christ telling people to be reconciled to Christ. So many people are not hearing the gospel but they are hearing so much about temporal concerns. The lost are dying without a saviour. 

I know that there are things going on in the world that need to be addressed but as Christians we do not want to to like the Ephesian church who lost their first love. I want to love God more and in turn love others more. Society has crimes and ills that will not stop. The work that God does in changing hearts of stone into hearts of flesh begins the Holy Spirit using the proclamation of God's law to convict sinful man of their guilt before God and because of that God's just wrath anger and punishment against sin will be upon them. Only through the, sinless life, and sacrifice that Christ, son of God, fully God and fully man, made on the cross can we be saved from the punishment that we deserve.

I miss evangelism. I miss the opportunities God had provided to share with the lost their ever present need for a saviour. Jesus saves to the uttermost. 

This morning I have not felt well. Still don't feel well. Hopefully I will feel better by the end of the day.

Still praying that God gives wisdom and will heal us from our past and our sins in our relationship. 

Day 8

 It was hard getting up this morning. I woke up 20 minutes before I was to leave. I was unable to truly meet the Lord like I want but I will seek to meet the Lord throughout the day. 

I have worried but I have prayed throughout these days for wellbeing and safety. I have missed different things his sweetness, mischievousness, his enthusiasm, him openness in confessing hard things. I do see a lot of who he is and I am not blind to any weaknesses but I love and care for this person that God put into my life. What will happen on the 30th I don't know God does. I just feel uncertain and I hate that feeling yet I have found no matter what I do not know the future I cannot map it out.

God, please bear with me. I know my faith is small. Please help me. I ask that you draw us close to you, keep us safe, guide our minds and that we may have opportunities to share about what Jesus accomplished on the cross on our behalf. God please direct our paths and help us to glorify your name by how we live our lives. Thank you God, that you are a God who hears and delivers us from all our fears.

Day 7

Yesterday I spent time with my family. I saw beautiful sights and God created such beauty but even that was finite. The boat tour captain said that overnight a small part of the island fell into the lake.

This week has been hard for me. It made me realize that in the past year so much has changed and what has been so much a part of every day. Love and care, worry, and this past week I have been bringing him before the Lord. I miss him though.

God please be here and help me and cause me to worship you in spirit and in truth. Help us to understand your words. Help us to live by the very word that helps us to know you more. Your motivation your love, your power, your faithfulness. 

Change us to your likeness,in Jesus name. Amen.

Day 6- Just past midnight

I arrived after 3 pm yesterday to the prayer cabin. I was awakened by the storm, me who have slept through an earthquake.

After spending time with the Lord I realize that I am not letting God deal with the sin in my life. I live my life as if I am still condemned by my actions. Still live not believing that His work on the cross could be for me. How could He forgive me when I find myself committing the same sin believing myself to still be the same person I was before He saved me.

There is great emptiness in sin. It will lie and say that it will help. That it will remove the desires of the flesh when sin always demands more from the sinner and paralyzes the believer that they may not bear fruit. But I must believe that Jesus has overcome the world, has overcome my flesh, has filled me with the Holy Spirit that I don't believe the lie that says "How can God love you after all that you have done?"

"God sees me in the light of His Son." I must die to sin and live by the sustaining of the Holy Spirit a holy life before the Lord.

God I am weak but You are strong. I have nothing good in my flesh and I know you desire purity in the inward parts. Cleanse me and I shall be clean. Wash us whiter than snow God and help us not feel the condemnation the evil one would have us feel. Revive our hearts that we might seek Your face, Your presence.

May we fight this Christian battle with the sword of Your word. Help us to put on the full armor of God that we might stand fast against the fiery darts of the enemy.

Help my brothers and sisters in Christ who are weak and weary of the fight sustain them. Those who suffer for the sake of Your name. Give them strength to persevere to the end. Hold them fast.

Jesus, may this be done for the glory of Your Name. Amen.

Day 5- Day off

After being able to schedule a day off I woke up at 4:50 am. This has been a very disciplined week but has it fed my worship and love for God? 

I know that the Christian faith is not a set of duties. That though the laws will not pass away that does not mean to obey they a certain percentage makes us right with God. Is also does not mean to live like we have no law because Jesus paid it all. It means in loving Him wanting to please him by living holy lives by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Disdain for the law at its roots is a rebellion against the God that compells one to not steal, not covet, not to disobey mother and father, and of much importance not to blaspheme, treat lightly the name of God, Jesus..... 

So, going back to the beginning before going down the rabbit trail,  reading the Bible, praying, and even singing hymns and spiritual songs are worthless if done as a check mark of things I have to do to get an answer, to try to strongarm God to giving me my desires, yet if they are just ways to want to know Him, God, Jesus more then it is of infinite worth. 

And this is eternal life that they might know you the One True God and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. John 17:3

God help us to abide in you. To want to know You as you are. To seek Your will Your glory. Help us to reflect your Son and His mercy. LORD thank you for displaying your love through what Jesus did in dealing with our sin on the cross. Please humble us in light of what you accomplished for us. May you light up our paths until we reach the promise land where your grace and glory dwell.

I will seek to find my rest in you.

Day 4

This week has been very different. Got up today and was able to read a prophesy about Jesus in the book of Jeremiah. I like it when the prophets proclaim truth yet unknown to them about the coming Messiah. Jesus is the object of our faith, without him we have no hope of salvation.

I thought about the actions that I took, the sin I committed. I confessed my sin to God and am hoping that as his word promised that if I confess my sin He is faithful and just to forgive me my sin and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness. That He will do so. That He will renew my mind to keep my thoughts pure. I have found it easier this week though I find myself wishing it were different. Yet I know that if it helps it would be a good thing. 

I am missing my dad today, dreamed about him last night. For some reason I actually dreamed a few days ago that He invited people to a dinner party and he invited people from our past. It was very strange....

I am planning out my weekend. Hopefully not filling it with activity that I may not think. 

Poem- Outcomes

Its not for you to know

What if I falter

Its not for you to know

What if my hopes are not realized

Then My plans are better for you

And if my heart is sick

Then I bind you up

And if I lose my faith

I promised that as my child no one can snatch you out of my hand

My fears are too great Lord

Didn't I say fear not for I am with you be not dismayed for I am your God

I am too weak Lord

My power is made perfect in weakness

Lord help my unbelief that I will rest upon You.

Day 3

 What is love? (Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.....) 

The Bible is really clear about love, love is patient (I have not been patient). Love is kind, love does not envy or boast. I envy friends who have that. Love does not demand its own way (I demand my own way all the time). Love hope all things believes all things, love never fails. I am sure I am missing portions of it. 

I am afraid that the feelings I have, are they idolatrous? Honestly my walk though screwed is more honest than it ever has been. I am open about my sin which I usually hide until I am ready to go back to church.... I want God to be preeminent in my life and I also have a desire for marriage and children. What would true love look like? Love would want me to love Jesus more, to walk in a manner worthy of Christ, would want purity, to put everything in God's hands, to love others.

I am an emotional mess right know yet it's okay. I am seeking the Lord to reveal His will. Praying for God to help us, to heal any hurt, to strengthen us whatever happens, to love one another rightly, to want more than anything to love God.

Love would take a person as they are and pray for them to grow in Christ-likeness. 

Day 2

I slept all night yet still wanted to sleep longer. I was reading in Revelation 19 and in reading it I got excited of the fact that Jesus, Faithful and True, King of Kings, and Lord of Lords will vindicate His righteousness in view of all men. Those who rise up against the Lord and against His Anointed will be brought low and His holy ones will be clothed in white linen. 

I have no energy but I was able to read God's word and to pray a little. I just feel depleted but I need to buck up and do what I have to for the sake of being true to God in my life. My sister suggested I go somewhere this weekend. I was thinking of doing the prayer cabins as a spiritual retreat. Hopefully I will be able to do this. In the meanwhile I pray get in the word, tell him where I am at, and ask Him what is His will. It will be two weeks of struggling, comfort, God's grace, and hopefully His word encouraging me but it does not mean I miss him any less..... Praying that His grace his power will uphold us. 

Day 1

I woke up at 5 today very tired but I figured God wanted me to wake up and spend some time with Him. I am trying to learn what does it mean to truly surrender even if it means not having the outcome I want. I know what I would like to happen but the part of me that knows God's word know that I have to be open to go wherever he leads me. My life has changed so much since He opened my eyes to His power and His glory, and yet His irresistible grace tells me intellectually that He loves me. That He is always there to answer when I call on Him. Its just hard to believe in the midst of feeling like He always takes away. I know I know I am not supposed to say never and always especially when it is not true. He has given me new friends and so much grace. 

I am so used to saying good morning, thinking about you, praying for you, love you..... Ugh I am so mushy...... Anyway my prayer is that you are safe, that God pour His love on us and show up in amazing ways, that His word will fill us and comfort us, that God will turn our eyes to Him. That we listen to what He has for us. That we grow in our faith and not become complacent in seeking Him above all else.

In the end no matter what happens all I have is Christ. I have to be content with Him no in whatever state I am in, married or single, surrounded by people or all alone. 

My life as a sacrifice

 It's easy in my life to hold things that are dear to me to my chest. To tell the Lord "No I will cling to these things and you shall not have them......" Yet isn't God greater than the gifts that He has given us. Is his mercy, his faithfulness, his glory worth keeping temporal things?

I will be honest and say that this morning I was rejoicing in the Lord.  So filled with joy that He met me. Then this afternoon I came face to face with something that I was advised by a sister in the Lord about 7 weeks ago. What will come of these two weeks I do not know. But this month and 7 days has reiterated that God is sovereign over our lives and no matter how much we count others to be there. They are finite, even them being there is not counted upon. I am awash in feelings. I hate being emotional. Hey I can be happy all day long but when it come to what has been going on this year has been a torrent of change, mourning, and wanting to change the trajectory of my life. Yet I have to keep the gifts I have been given with open hands because in the end all I have belongs to God.

God I will submit to whatever you demand of me. In hard times I will bless your name hoping that though weeping may last through the night joy comes with the morning.

Relationships

So it has been a while since I have written and poured out my heart. I have been struggling a lot and it has been a war between my desire to seek God and love God and know God more and also a desire to get to know my boyfriend. My flesh has been clamoring for an intimacy that in the past I have not withheld from. So several things I have learned since dating this man.

1) My impatience has grown

2) I need to hold my thoughts captive

3) Compromises are a slippery slope

4) Love seeks to maintain purity

All I can do is pray that by the power of the Holy Spirit we can do what pleases God.

Poem 6/18/2020

Pilgrims heading home

They wander in these rugged lands

Where hardship and terrain claim lives

Propelling those to earlier bliss

In ease those on a different path are lulled to sleep

Believing their security until a voice thunders

“AWAKE!!!!”

Pilgrims on the path search and strive for that eternal land

Where grace and glory bath resurrected flesh in unapproachable light

The place He whom our souls cry out to and for dwells