Love do you know what it truly is.

Love between a man and woman. Can I rant? Can I tell people exactly what is wrong with their ideals on love? They turn out these statements like “You mean everything to me.” or “My love for you will last for all eternity.” Tell me that this does not turn the person that they love into an idol. Then when they person that they love make a mistake or when the every day living makes it common they go out and try to find what gave them the same feelings as before and spend their lives seeking what they call true love. WAKE UP! Love is not like that. It will become routine. The person you love will annoy you and you will hate them sometimes. Yet God calls you to love that person in actions and emotions. There has to be a passion but first and foremost without God that love is not possible for man. 

Innocence, Purity, Virginity, and Godliness

I can never get my mind innocent again after being addicted to pornography. It started with my aunt giving me a romance novel at eight years old. This went on until I was 22 almost 23. I was ashamed and rightly so and would constantly try to clean myself up and had never last and came back worse than ever. Yet God chose in his kindness and goodness to keep me from intimate relations with any man. Intimacy outside of God ordained marriage is wrong. In that it violates what God has set up when he created Adam first the Eve from his rib. My mind still haunts me with who I used to be and tells me I am no different, but I will answer in this way. Without Christ saving me and the Holy Spirit working to conform me into the image of Christ I would still be in the gutter. Yes my sins had stained me and I in my own power was not able to make myself clean. God has made me white as snow. By the Holy Spirit working to break me and push me towards repentance and by being in his word, praying, fasting, loving him more that any other with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I cherish what I used to despise, I am a virgin. God is good.

Dream I had 6/5/09

One moment I was awake tap tap tapping away at the keys of my mac, and then I was in a dilapidated old home with old white wood shingles the paint peeling and fading swollen from water damage the inside dark wood floor that must have looked beautiful in its hay day. I was with a group in the house looking for my little nephew. He was lost looking the very image of his father cute with short weasel teeth. I looked and searched but I could not find him. Then in the foyer close to the door I heart the loud giggles. It was empty large fancy even in its condition yet the little boy called me out of it and the journey began. I ran out of the house and saw his mom she is beautiful, wearing some hip hop gear hoody covering her raven dark hair but revealing her face, a short skirt with pleats. She was impatient had somewhere to go. A car was being loaded parked on the street outside. Yet I took her little boy and she did not mind and we started walking away from the old whitewashed house full of the walking dead. My brother, 23, same round face only an inch or so taller came with. When we came across another house and my nephew was snatched away by the enemy. To get out of the house we had to go through a locked window of metal thorns they pinched as my brother and I tried to solve the puzzle that would get portion to shift and open. It closed at times and was frustrating but we got it to swing open. My brother (almost my twin) went through the window. I did not see him again. I drew away from the window and tried to find my nephew. That little boy was always getting into trouble. Door swung locked behind me as I went though the maze in that old mansion. I knew the enemy had the little boy in order that I may be back in his hands. I heard a giggle and saw a little boy's sneaker peeking out from behind a small recliner. I went around it and found that a piece of wood stuck straight out from the chair. A sock and sneaker fastened to it to trick me. Then I saw him my little man sitting in another chair waiting for me. The room was full of different types of chairs with a small portion on the right side blocked off looking like an old style bank with high wooden counters and many attendants. They told me I could not get out of this room. That everything was sealed. Yet I quoted scriptures as I carried the little boy through a low set of doors finding out they were swinging doors. Their plans were thwarted and I found myself at a counter. With my younger brother the one I attend church with he is skinny and sweet. A man stood to my right he was white old wore a grey vested suit and a white mustache. He said "You have to drink the sweet elixir but also the vinegar in between sips.” Me, my brother, and my little nephew followed his directions. Then I awoke.