Age is nothing but a number

27 is much like 26 except I spent the last week taking care of my nephew. It is very bittersweet. In the mornings after he is dropped off. I have him read a psalm and pray, I spent the day showing him the world or technology. I give him new words to learn and write. I have him draw or write. He actually eats what I make. It makes me long to have a kid around. Kids are such a blessing and mothering, true mothering is not for the faint of heart. To those who spend quality time with their kids, teaching them according to the word of God, seeking by the grace of God to be a godly wife and mother, I praise God for such women, knowing that it is a work of God. I am pleased to know women like that both single and married.

Letter to God

Dear God,

God who are we the dust to question your ways. Man is depraved and God-hating and we are sinners undeserving of any good things. Yet you do not withhold good gifts. Please forgive my unforgiveness and my impatience only you can change and teach the heart of man. Bad things happen and if we do not trust in your sovereignty and in You not working all things for good for those who love God. This world is cursed and it does not surprise me but it hurts to hear someone question You. God crush us that our hearts and minds be renewed.

To You be all the Glory,

Levita

Stray Thoughts

Its is so easy in idle moments for thoughts to delve into sin. The bible says to flee when temptation comes. Now there are preventative measures which are to rise, watch and pray, reading God's word, and much more. Sin is always nearby to cause stumbling, to injure believers, and to drive us away from serving God once a person is saved. Trust in the Lord, read His word, pray without ceasing, and be wary where you tread. To Jesus Christ be all the glory.

Learning to trust in God

God has been very merciful to me and He has placed me in circumstances where I can't rely on anything but Him. I can rely on people for they will fail me. I can't rely on plans because they will fall apart. My health will fail me. Me keeping a secret desire and withholding it from God will fail me. I am still learning to trust in God, to put all thing all worries before Him because He is the only one who can take care of me. Praise be to Jesus Christ.

Idols and Sin

Purity is something to be sought, to be treasured, not to be despised. Yet whenever I tell people that is the reason why I do certain things it is mocked. Yet how I belittle it too like last Saturday when I met a guy. No I did not flee, and it haunts me. I am weak what made me think that I could get near fire and not get burned.

Singleness is best for me, in that I will not dwell on could have, should, have and must have and seek what is truly priceless. Christ and Him as Lord for all eternity. It is much easier to write my thoughts rather than voice them and confess my sins in notes rather than share them in person. I did what was wrong and while it was not that "act" it was still just as bad.

I struggle and I am glad I struggle otherwise it would mean despising the work of the Lord in my life. My life has not been easy since Christ has saved me in fact it seems much harder as time goes on. Yet what I worry about, what grieves me is that do I hate God, that one no among many blessings will cause rebellion in my chest? It's so much easier to write it than say it to anyone. I want purity and its about time I expose the foundation of that evil, that idol, and burn it.

May Christ allow you all to see the idols in your lives and God allow us to die to self and live abiding in Him.

Thoughts Early August

As I see the tiny pinpricks of light that shine in an indigo sky I see your grace upon me and am thankful, You are holy and I am but a saved sinner, Creator you draw creatures no higher than a worm to worship, You change a stone to flesh, I don't want to be away from your presence. Change me please for only you have the power.

A life lived for Christ

I have realized how much of a sinner I am and how daily I need grace. My life has been very selfish and at times I see a romance novel and in my mind the thought immediately appears. "Hey at least I am not going out and living a promiscuous lifestyle." It also translate onto what I eat and my attitude towards food. "Why not buy a cake or why not grab some more food." It comes down to something I have asked other girls in my bible study to call me out on. "Where are you finding your joy today?" Am I finding my joy in the admiration of men, in a delicious plate of food or are those things negligible considering the surpassing worth of knowing Christ. Is Christ my all in all? It was so easy because my stumbling made me realize that yes I was susceptible. I am not wonder woman. I am just a sinner saved by a wonderful and loving God, who loves His children (true believers) in a way that will not allow them to remain in sin. May I be sanctified and may Christ be glorified. Sinners turn away from your sin and trust in Christ. The one true God.

Biblical Womanhood

Characteristics of a godly woman

(Saved sinner)

Devours God's word (the bible)

Gentle

Humble

Loving

Faithful

Submissive

Strong (in the Lord)

Servant's heart

Prayerful

Worshipful

Nurturing

Respectful

Wise

Quiet

Patient

Kind

Peaceful

Joy-filled

Self-disciplined

All by God's loving-kindness towards us

Pain Grief

I had always thought I would be the one meant to be single and taking care of my mom as she grew older. Then when she died I fell. I thought knowing the word of God would kept me from going off the deep end but I did anyway. I'm not proud. I'm not glad. I'm fallible but even more than that I am so tired and alone. I've taken upon myself a weight a burden that is not mine to bear I'm a woman not a man. And truly what I want right now what I wish for is to relive this life to undo the calamity of these past few months. I'll be alone by June by then... by then...I don't know what I'll do.

Though your sins are scarlet He will wash them white as snow.

How could He forgive one such as I?