When a video brings it all up

I saw a video from Mike Winger. I watch his youtube channel from time to time even though I do not agree on his views on election. He had Teisi Cannon as a guest who spoke about her experience being bullied from the pulpit and it brought everything back. The sermon on how the pastor felt attacked. The sermon talking about how a couple should be excommunicated. The sermon that pointed to my husband as a friend who wanted to help as a witness to a meeting. I guess my major question is. Was it worth it?

But then there are other questions...

Do you think your sin is gone if not admitted publicly?

Do you even realize that the pulpit should not be used to bully the sheep?

Sigh. God you know. You know everything that happens behind closed doors. I leave it at your feet.

I know that I am not one to confront. I was sent an email to meet with the elders if I felt that they did something wrong. I did not want to be like the other couple sitting under what seemed like a tribunal. I definitely was not going to go that route. Like if people would listen anyway. 

I think that times pastors are put on this pedestal as if they can do no wrong when the reality is that they need people who will tell them that they did wrong for the sake of their souls. 

I am of a belief that if sin is hidden,  unaddressed, unrepented in the life of an elder or a pastor they should be disqualified from ministry. Does that mean forever? No. I do think that the sin that disqualifies permanently is sexual immorality. I am of a belief that if they truly repent not only before God, the congregation and also the person that they sinned against that God can restore them.

The problem is that bullying doesn't stop at just one person unless the Lord works in a person.

Life Lived Out

 I have noticed a very strange thing about life right now. A lot of people live out their lives for an online audience. Have a story share it on Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok, Youtube... I guess I am thinking in a lot of ways do I want to share about where I go and things I do, stuff I buy, even meals I make? Definitely not. My main concerns are known by God, my husband and I. Where we live by a small group of people. If people want to talk to me they can call me. Advice I am there for it. Otherwise I just want to live my life out not for an audience. I want my life to reflect Christ. 

Writing

When I was young I loved writing, poetry and fiction. I remember those contests where if you paid money your poem would be published in books. I wanted so much to write a book but about what I was not certain, would it be prose, steam of conscience sort of thing or fiction losely based on some experience. I love romance but after I got married I saw more and more the sinful nature of this world. The world in there romance has sexual intimacy become love where the reality is that is not the case. I am thankful for my husband he has been good to me and continues to be considerate of me. I love him very much. Anyway I want to write romance be it would be very different more of a modern day Hosea type circumstance. 

Casket (A Poem)

Unlike ornate coffins

Filled with dead man bones

Before me is a plain

Slate gray unadorned dwelling place

Where you placed your animosity 

Where you hide the sin that lives in the background 

You dug up places to hide it

But He knows it all

Others pretend ignorance 

But truth will one day prevail

Lets hope before eternity comes

Adventure

One would think that traveling far away from home would be hard for an American used to all the modern conveniences. Here in the US we are very privileged to have available electricity, municipal water systems that clean and pump our own water, also stores that offer fresh, refrigerated, and frozen foods. Western countries are blessed. Since marriage I have traveled way more than I used to. More often than not it's a different state though I have gone to Canada, with my hubby I have traveled to Illinois, through Iowa, Arkansas, Louisiana and Alabama, Connecticut, New Jersey, and New York, Arizona and even Texas. Sometimes we travel by plane, sometimes by train, sometimes by car. Now we have been on our longest travel yet. It's been fun and sweet and I have loved a lot of it. And I am 8 days out from leaving. I'm going to miss this place and them very much. When I was younger and I went to Guatemala I felt so lost when I came home as if I have been changed. This world is not my home and I'm looking for an everlasting country the place where God's glory dwells. In the meanwhile I am a pilgrim on my way. 

Time Passing By

The older I get the more it seems that time goes by a whole lot quicker. I am 41 now and I started this blog when I was in my twenties. Since then I have attended different churches. Went from single to married, one nephew to two nephews and two nieces. God is faithful even in my weakness. Marriage is hard even with the best of partners.  Our marriage is sweet to the point that it still feels like we are still on our honeymoon. I love my husband very much, he is a gift from the Lord to me. I wish I were a better wife. 

God is good.

The Difference between Past and Present

When I was younger I would have a wanderlust and would seek to go far away. God has been merciful to allow me different opportunities to go to different countries. Now with my husband I have a partner to travel the world with. In my single days it was different I could put the time in I would do what I want Hawaii was a picture of this I hiked so much went to beaches, saw waterfulls, went to the Dole Plantation. I had just met my now husband 2 weeks before and he video called me a lot on my trip. With my husband we have gone on a lot of trips, to Arizona, Canada, Texas, Florida, Alabama, Louisiana, Missouri, and we have future trips in the works. We do pray for children. I hope we do. I am also seeking to live and eat more healthy. We prioritize our time with the Lord.  God knew what he was doing. I am content with my life even with trials and tribulations. Marriage is such a blessing. As I am here almost 2 in the morning thinking about the differences between my life when I was single and my life now I thank God for the gifts He has provided.