Thoughts 12/26/18

I thank God for each year He has granted me knowing that each moment that He provides for me is possible for the bearing of fruit for His purposes. I am thankful for the different things He has taught me this year. Mostly its better to love than to remain safe. Its better to be myself around others than be what I think they want me to be... I have had a year of quiet sorrow, some anger, periods where sin was revealed to me and so much change.
I feel different isn't that weird I think allowing people in has truly filled my heart. I have a desperate need for the Lord to do a work in my heart and fears. I still need to do more to learn truly love my brothers may God change that in me. In the meanwhile God has really shown me His mercy and His grace and shown me that, His word, the scripture that He has provided, show His character, His Holiness, His grace, His love which is higher than ours, His justice, secondly the precious promises He has bought by redeeming us from the bondage of sin and death, and blessed us with every spiritual blessing. He has also provided us with the local church to encourage one another to greater growth and knowledge of the Lord. Lastly He has taught me that He listens to my prayers and helps those who cry out to Him. This poor man cried and the Lord heard and delivered him out of all of His distresses.
I pray that the Lord will bless this year, to my friends and family. That we will behold Him and seek His face. That we will bless one another not temporally but eternally through prayer and supplication in thanksgiving, that we will encourage and exhort one another.
I thank God knowing that in the end I must rest in Him. That His character means that His purposes and promises shall come to pass.
To God be the Glory.

Thoughts on Singleness

It's Christmas time. It's usually a time I dread because I see what it has become in our society. This year praise the Lord I have been able to meditate on the incarnation of Christ and be remindid of the reason why He had to come on the likeness of sinful flesh. To condemn sin in the flesh He had to be the perfect sacrifice. So it has been hopeful to do this, this year.
So besides my best thoughts centered on Jesus it has been a time to ponder my relationship with others. I realize that in me not letting people in due to my own fear of people seeing me... of a childhood spent moving around so much that forming attachment meant being hurt when I had to leave. I have gotten better praise God but this is what I have learned.
Being vulnerable with others mean maybe having a person to be honest and truthful about where we are at. To comfort during times of mourning. A friend loves at all times. I have found myself just wanting to pour out myself for others. To love them and care for them. Then there is prayer wanting to intercede for them, that we might have boldness, to share the Gospel, that God would build their marriages. That we would reflect Christ before one another throughout our lives.
Being single does have solitary moments but I have time to spend with God, to pour out my heart before Him, and Him granting peace through the Spirit. There are so many moments where I have not dealt with singleness well, avoiding men, walking away from people, the shame I have felt because I wonder if others could see could tell the state of my heart, and my struggles with sin. Looking back I think if I knew people more maybe they would be able to tell me to knock it off... That would probably be good for me. I am going to try to love others and let them in. I will love my family, flesh and church and I will seek to be me, with my mix of maturity, yet with the exuberance and passion of a child.
I have been convicted that I need to truly love others, may that conviction bear fruit.