Saturday Night 11/15/14

This weekend I was in such a constant state of awe that God would see fit to look down and see me. Though I do have to say my sin was there. In my impatience. I worked on Saturday and it was constant and just work. I love my job but I have to make sure my mind or my thoughts remain on what is good and not the attitudes of others. So after that I went home and though I was there only an hours there was such impatience and just annoyance inside me. After I left I went to the gym and that helped but more than that, meeting God in learning about him did much good. I also got the opportunity to talk about God with a driver after small group it was great talking about His attributes and true worship.

I am not her

"Do not stare at me because I am swarthy, For the sun has burned me. My mother's sons were angry with me; They made me caretaker of the vineyards, But I have not taken care of my own vineyard.

Don't look to me for beauty

Don't look to me to be that trophy wife

Don't look for fluff

'Cause you won't find it here

I am not perfect

I am not unashamed

I am not your ideal

I am not who you look for

I am not the one

I am not hospitable

My adorning is not jewelery but neither is it a quiet and gentle spirit

I am not as I should be

So don't think I am her

I am not of a mind to encourage you

I cannot be a helper to you

I cannot be who you need me to be

So don't look for marriage here

I am not her

I have realized that though I have in mind the woman I should be. I am not there yet, but I don't want to be a curse to any man specifically a godly man who seeks to serve God. I am not going to even try to be interested in anybody. Its a distraction I do not need. God will reveal whether or not I am to allow a courtship or marriage but in the meanwhile may I be fruitful for his purposes.

Inability

I have an inability in and of myself to change. The bible shows me how I can and God revealed it to me today. It is a varience on set your mind on the things that are above, and give yourself as a living sacrifice holy and acceptable.

 

The verses God gave me are:

 

Ephesians 4 starting at verse 17

 

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Where my heart speaks

I am sitting in the midst of clutter
Clutter within and clutter without
Thoughts clammoring to be heard
Read the novel that will cloud your judgement and dull your mind
Another quiet yet close says read the Word

Wait for the Lord...
I hear those words and within the Spirit says I am thirsty for more.
Trust in the Lord...
Why should you trust?
Because he has been good
Because none can do what He could

I shake my head knowing which voice I should listen to

Give me a new heart O God
And renew a right spirit within
For my heart tries to find in other things
What is only found in You