Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/31/11

Its humbling to change really dirty diapers. I tried to do the best I could but then and there I longed for nasal conjestion. Just kidding. Kids are such a blessing and it is so humbling to clean a poopy baby. I think that must be why some of the godliest women I know are mothers. I say some because I know some really godly single gals as well. I was puzzled by something as well but I will keep that between me and God. Also I have noticed that I am tempted more often when I am really sleep. I have to be careful about that and will be in God's word and pray before sleeping.

Diary of a Single Christian Woman 1/26/11

It is such a challenge for me since I spend so much of my time alone. I am surrounded by good books. Yet when I am alone its me, God, my flesh, and temptation. Yet I have been so tired, so weary of fighting that instead of fleeing I have let temptation overcome me and it gave birth to sin. I am alone in my room today but not for much longer. I was encouraged so much yesterday that this morning I put on my armor and am holding my weapon thst I may be defended from the fiery darts of the evil one. I was preached a sermon on Romans 8:8 by a woman the I have been blessed to know. I praise God that He does not have me walking the road alone though I do sometimes try to lose the people I am with. I am blessed by Jesus and better get to applying for health care.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/21/10

Singhing to myself. Its easy when I am tempted or stumble that I fall back into the ways I used to do things when I wasn't a Christian. I used to pretend I was the good daughter while behind the backs of those who thought they knew me I would take pleasure in defying their expectations. This was bad in high school but came to a head almost a year ago. I felt nothing at the time. It is easy to hide, to keep a desire hidden and for bitterness to take root. Yet God draws me away like the rebellious wife who was punished then drawn away and cherished by her husband. I am loved by God yet why is it so easy to spurn His affection in my desire for... a shadow of it and nothing more.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/16/11

Why have I gotten myslef into this I start books and never finish them. Yet now I am doing a study on both singleness and marriage. Yes I have read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl, and now I am reading When I Don't Desire God (upon the suggestion of a friend), This Momentary Marriage, Did I kiss Marriage Goodbye?, and will read Sacred Marriage. I guess I have always felt that my singleness was a stagnant unproductive period of waiting. What am I to do with femininity? Anyway I am readying myself either way. First and foremost in fearing and trying to make sure that I seek to love Jesus Christ who is one with the Father. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above so have I treated singleness as a gift? I can actually say finally sometimes I do. I am blessed in my alone time with God. Marriage is for sanctification, and to display Christ and his relationship with the church. As a single one displays Christ's work of salvation and regeneration. So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the Glory of God. Hmmm I asked God the other day when is a woman ready for love? I love Hosea and how God allures her in the wilderness. All the names of the baals are taken away and instead of being call my Master God is called my husband . I read then Ezekial 16 thanks to some help, and that is where the question arose. In the new testament I read something about how husbands are to wash their wives in the water of the word. In Ezekial she grows unwashed and uncovered and he enters into a covenant with her. I love that. Ooops I have been sidetracked anyway I have learned this I am not stunted or waiting. God gave me this desire for a reason but I am not going to twiddle my thumbs until it comes. I am going to seek to love God more, to serve the church, and to do what Christ would have me to. I pray that I may be a light. To be a woman tranformed because I beheld the rock of my salvation, the wisdom of God. Praise be to the Lord.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/13/11

I was given good advice by a woman who seeks to serve God and though I resented yesterday I know it was done out of love for God and myself. I am blessed with friends who seek God, long for God. I am focused on the prize to see Christ. I don't know what the future will bring yet I know the God has plans that I do not anticipate so that He not anything else has my attention.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/12/11

It is so easy to hide, to lie to sin and yet the Holy Spirit is at war against it within me. I see the advice and frankly at times I just think being a hedonist was so much easier and with less accountability. I open up a little a tiny bit but its God who sees it all. I have lost weight but not to gain attention from the male populace at Bethlehem but because God made my gluttony known to me. It was so much easier laughing about messed up things over drinks than cry about them before God. Yet my longing is to see Christ to be with Him for eternity. Christianity is by the aid of the Spirit and its hard. At times I miss the easy days and that is when Christ impresses upon me himself. Today I am out and about I will put everything away and worry about it tomorrow.

Diary of a Single Christian Woman 1/11/11

Modesty is hard yesterday my brother himself said I should pull a shirt up. Then the black and white pic that I took a month ago showed cleavage well at least I was rebuked for that one. Though maybe it was also the reason I took that picture... Anyway I am overhauling my facebook and deleting people I never met and don't know I realized I had almost 600 friends and only met and spoken to a whole lot less. I better get started with my day I hope that today unlike yesterday I can have more communion with God. Nightmares and bad dreams crept up yesterday they usually do but then I played the book of John. And I had no dream just rest. I miss...

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/8/11

My day was adventuresome and troubled. I see clearly what God has done in me. What I had used to bring me happiness had been but a trap, born of my sinful nature. I was a slave to it with... Yet God did that gave me victory over sin each day and yet daily I realize my need of Jesus Christ who tells me to lift my cross and follow Him. What true joy is this found only in Jesus Christ the God-man who died for undeserving sinners praise be to Him.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/7/11

I read in the book Lies Women Believe that our emotion do not excuse sin. That is the truth. Though I thought the underlying motive was righteous anger it was pride and sorrow. I was impatient and angry at being undermined. Anyway you know each day is a battle to have Jesus as Lord. I have decided to watch out for temptation. I can't wait for church tomorrow.

Diary of a Single Christian Female 1/6/11

Well my gossiping tongue has reared its ugly head and after taking care of the sweetest little kids.
I was confronted with my immodesty by a kind mature Christian. I was doing things inadvertantly yet did I cause a brother to stumble. Hmmm caused me to look at what I wear to make sure no outline is showing. Yet I see firsthand how much of my outfits are snug.
anyway now for good news by the grace and mercy of God I have been spending good times in fellowship. He is faithful when I am faithless. I have also had nice talks with sisters in the Lord very encouraging. :-)

Diary of a single Christian female 1/5/11

I had a wonderful conversation with a girl from my bible study. I have two sister yet since we have been adults we act differently around each other. Our personalities different. My older sister is the take charge, tough chick, yet is also soft, prone to hurt by callous words (of which I have been guilty of many times, she is self-sufficient, works hard, and tries hard to raise her son. Me I am the space cadet, tactless, annoying, passionate, and overbearing hopefuly God will work on the sinful attributes to my character. Then there is my little sister, she is the little wifey God has gifted her with the abilities neccesary to be a good wife and mother, she is sweet, funny, stubborn, annoying at times, and I love both my sisters very much. We complement each other and I am grateful for however much time I have on this earth that God gave them to me as sisters. I would talk about my brothers but I will just say they are handsome and sweet and one is tickling hahahaha.
Anyway I was talking about how God should be our primary affection and how all good gifts flow from Him. In reading chapter 7 from Spiritual Disciplines of the Christian Life I realized how God could gift us with material things in this life, beauty, power, and other things yet if this life is but a breath and we don't get the opportunity to spend eternity with Him, get to know Him, love Him what is the money, the travel the good looks worth if that is what you get and this life on earth is but a vapor.
What will it matter if in a hundred years the little insignificant things of this world are gone?
May God be my treasure. May I count it all as loss compared to the supassing joy of knowing Christ.
Also last night I watched someone flip through an album of a Christian couple and I avoided looking at it like the plague. I also fleed from where the romance novels were in the library. There is a temptation that distracts me from living how God call me to live. Yet I am held accountable. Praise God.

From where it comes

What is the foundation we must have to love others? I have a habit of not letting others get to close. Of driving guys away before they see the evil and wickedness within. Before they can see my constant battle with my sin. Yet I forget everyone is sinful, has their own struggles. One thing I must do is be who I am. Open myself up to rebuke and affection. Actually say "hi" to my neighbors. Live as Christ in humbleness, boasting in Christ, serving, and glorifying God. I will try and by the grace of God I hope the Holy Spirit works on that. God please help me.