Missions, Life, and a Future I cannot see

I want that Christ's name be known in a place that never heard of Jesus. I want Him to be glorified and that I may die and live with Jesus. I worry so much and spend so much time planning something that cannot be planned. My trust in God for salvation is great yet my trust in the future He has for me gives me the shakes. I have been blessed by the fellowship of people who trust in God so much that to others it would seem crazy. I am afraid and I will admit it. It has driven me into reading ungodly things, a sin I admit to and hope to repent of.So after a week of work, and prayer, and anger and looking out and in I know. I know that He who knows what I hide from others will draw me away and will reveal His unending grace and mercy, and awesome splendor. That I may be drawn after Him and not the fear that lays behind little by little.