Work and home-Two areas that need God to work

I work at a clinic and work closely with five people and have come to know many more. I work in an urban area so the attitudes of the people around range from kind, funny, polite, to unhappy, nervous, disgruntled, and aggravated. These are the people I am supposed to assist, at times this goes well, at times almost a confrontation. God knows that He at times brings me people that I might cry out to God at work. I range in attitude as well from friendly, kind, to abrupt, and stiff. With my coworkers I share my joys, and anxiety, and dismay. They seen me at my best but more often than not my worse. My actions among them I know they have compromised my testimony. I still at times get mocked because of it. I want to get better for God to shine a light more and more in this area of my life. That I may not be sucked in to complaining, or being rude, or intrusive, that I may be a light. I am a pilgrim in this world I want God to provide. My God is a God who had been at work from before time began, is still working, and will be working throughout eternity.

At home is another area. I am a mess. Paper and letters throughout the floor, yarn and bags where I had started to clean but had not finished. Books I had wanted to read but have not even started. That is where I am. I live with a roommate she is a kind sweet girl. The one area that is okay is the kitchen my mom has taught me to clean up, to wash my hands. To wash a pan or pot before and after each use. Ai, mami. I don't pour into my roommate's life as I should. She also knows a lot about me and we get along. I guess I want to be able to reflect who God is in my life. I pray He does this. I can't do it.

What I wait for? A moment examining my heart

I guess when God saved me and made me a Christian I was under the misapprehension that now instead of dressing immodestly to gain what I had wanted, that God would do it. Bad thought. So I worked and tried and sought just to gain what I wanted. I have reached the end of it. The end of myself. I have been reaching more deeply ingrained sins. God has been showing me time and time again that I have to submit. He has been showing me that I must seek His face. It is then that He is glorified when He is seen as more valuable than my desires. When my desires are conformed to God's will then I will be fine.

You being God and me being me

As I sit here at work, no crochet needles to distract me

My thoughts are focused on what Your word says about You

and what my self-examination says about me

 

You are pure holy set apart, all good, just in all your ways and all your works

Without You I am a rebel, wicked to the core, my thoughts and actions corrupted by this flesh

 

From everlasting to everlasting You are God

Lord of my life though I try, try to gain control

 

You says in James about not gaining because not asking

my motives screaming and battling against Your will

 

You will be done on earth, You who are Lord you do it

may I submit

 

Yet God, rich in mercy, the God who continues to provide for me

He wants my good and seeks to change me

 

You are God and I am your slave do with me as You will, refine me by fire, make me humble

Though thoughts and evil asail me lift me up, let me remain in the shadow of Your wings

 

I see more sin, and God is drawing me away from sin. I have done much to make anyone else depart  but God is not like man that He should waver.

 

God is good.

 

 

Wedding, actions, and other things

This is going to be more of an observation of everything.

 

Friday

 

The place looked beautiful. Maybe I should think about it but I lik where I am at. I am semi independant ant like having a roommate. God knows I am uncomfortable with change.

 

Saturday

 

RING, RING!! RING, RING! Six o'clock in the morning came sooner than I thought. I figured I will go to sleep and if I get up in time without an alarm I would go to the wedding. I agreed to go. No one would have missed that I was not there. I woke up at 7:42 am had to be there by 10:03 am. So I went. On the way I started a hat, crocheting as if manic. It, the wedding, glorified God, that is all I hope of a wedding. But when I was there some things came to my mind. When I am uncomfortable get away from me, when I am comfortable I act differently. God knows the way I acted was wrong, I did not stick around.

 

I ducked out after noon I heard it went on after 3:00 pm. I finished the hat, did laundry, got my nephew, went to worship, then went to the University to watch the movie TED. It was bad, period. We walked out of the theater, went bowling. My nephew knocked down 44 pins without bumpers on.

 

Sunday

 

God was there. He showed up. I was reading who he was and was amazed. The little kids were great. I play with them and change them, and rock them. God knows what He has called me for. I have been keeping my hands and mind busy that I won't stumble only by Him guarding my steps.

 

Today

 

Read in John 4 how Christ showed Himself to the Samaritan woman. Long day want to finish calls God help me to honor and glorify Him.

True Love

The land was lush and green

Hills undulating in the distance 

On the top of one of those mounds

She stood

There she

wearing a dress the color of periwinkle flowers

The wind causing the grass to wave back and forth

Stood looking to and fro

Looking for Ishi

Ishi, he had to be near

Her protector 

Her friend 

Her love

Who was like this man?

There leading a flock to water

His staff in his hands 

His strength unmistakable

My love my dove my undefiled one her husband savors the thought

In his head resonating in his heart

She is mine

He is the only one like Him

humble yet great

Loving and yet a fierce warrior

A leader sure in strength

She runs to him, her bare feet unwavering

Tirelessly closing the distance between them

100 feet, 90, cannot see his features

80, 70 feet 60 His feet flying over the terrain

50, 40, 30 feet Her smile and laughter contageous

Joy blooming leaping bounding over the hill

20, 10 and there he was

She threw herself into His arms

Safe she was safe

He was there

Stroking her hair, embracing her.

"Ishi, Beloved, I belong to you and no one else."

Why do You do what You do?

Ok as I am sitting here at work pondering this weekend. Knowing that God worked everything out for my good. I realize God does as He pleases, the His ways are higher than our ways. I am grateful yet was it not just as bad if I had completed the cycle. I have been thinking much about what my sister Engadi said about people falling away. God can keep them, God can pick them up again if they fall. He can by His power keep them from sinning. God is no respecter of persons. Falling into temptation does not profit. Sin lies and says this will satisfy you, this will make you feel good. It does not it grieves God and hardens the believer. There is shame in sin. Something happened and I was wrong. Yet I will confess the wrong. He knows, he saw. God I do not want to be that person that once they have fallen away need Christ to be re-sacrificed. The Father made Him who knew no sin to be sin that we might become the righteousness of God.
Now where do I go from here? What am I supposed to do now?
I guess I will trust in the Lord to act. Have faith and to flee from the temptations without and from them within. May God do it and receive glory due to Him. Christ, help me.

Your Care

I did not do anything. I was not the most holy or the most beautiful. I was just Levita, a girl named after a the tribe of priests the Levites. I have come to realize that nothing in this world can fill this gnawing hunger. I went to food, to what is earthly and it just wearied me, it wearies me still. Today God gave me Psalm 43, I do not remember reading it yet God without me looking for it placed that before my eyes today.

Send out your light and your truth;
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill
and to your dwelling!
Then I will go to the altar of God
to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God.

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.

My soul is cast down right now I want to take joy in the God of my salvation. I will draw near to enter His courts. This year has been the hardest. I am dark, beaten by the sun. I have no beauty, no riches. I have not done anything of honor yet I cry out for help and he hears. God knows I am dust yet with my eyes I shall behold Him, whether before I die or afterwards. I prayed that God would cease my life if I should not spend eternity with Him. Obey His commandment and I shall be with Him and the Father dwelling there. I will hope in God.

Worthy of Praise

Do you see Him?

The Lord majestic

The Lord victorious

On His head diadems

In His hands scars that last all eternity

Do you know Him?

Sat nearby as he broke the bread

Poured out the true drink

Come eat and drink the food the does not perish

Taste and see that the Lord is good

Who is this?

Who pardons sins

Who makes blind men to see

Who uses the bruised reed

Who make these dead bones live

Be lifted up O gates

Behold the King of Kings

Humble yet Almighty

He is who ransomed a people for Himself

By His Blood