Thoughts while on the bus

Vulnerability... Exhaling a long deep sigh. The person I am needy, loud, my mind a product of the years of wickedness poured into it. Yet I know that I am not to be conformed to this world but be tranformed by the renewal of my mind. I hate testimonies sometimes when people talk about searching for love in sin... Yet what I know... An unwavering person seeks satisfaction for their soul in the way their fallen flesh offers them, sin whose wages is death. I knew then and I know now that it does not satisfy but it makes the loneliness, shame, and sorrow deeper. God saw me, He sees me as no one else does. Maybe I should in humility reveal portions of myself hidden under lock and key. There is a feeling of wanting to be hidden that is within yet unlike before God saved me I take no pride in hiding, no thrill in pulling the wool over peoples' eyes. Who am I when no one is watching? I want to be a reflection of God I have grown much but my stumbling is getting worse.
Whatever is good, whatever is lovely, whatever is pure, I must set my mind on what is above. This world is passing away along with its desires.
God may you be what I long for.