Transparent

I have been the past few months putting a wall between me and people. I want to escape so I allow my mind to seek a distraction. I have been hiding from God and been bitter against God. This past Saturday was the Good News Festival and I have been to each since the beginning. God by his ever present mercies brought me there that I may see my sin. The bitterness, the fear, the pride. I closed the door of the bathroom that I would shed tears without anyone watching. I hate crying. I said I was fine but I was not. God is sufficient, God is a God who sees. I need to trust Him. I need to see Him. I want to dwell in His courts. I want to be myself. I want to be conformed to His image and not worry about the future. He has brought me brokenness and trial like the wayward wife in Hosea that I may remember every good thing I have is from the Father. I am tired of talking about it, of feeling alone when the truth is I am not. John 14 says if you live God He will dwell with you and make His home with you. Its wedding you know I prayed that they would make me die to myself and they did yet I did not know how painful the dying would be. Yet as always to God be the Glory.