Dreams and wakefulness

In my dreams I feel powerless to stop myself from committing grievous sins. There is an attitude of wanting to seek feelings and fleeting moments of euphoria and just seeking and seeking and seeking with no satisfaction it was like my God was my belly but it was always hungry.
I didn't want to wake up I wanted to wallow in my slop. It is in those moments that I fear for my soul.
I used to be addicted to romance, to reading, there was an adrenaline rush when I read them. Books and my sin have polluted me. Yet God calls me to be pure. This can happen, by the renewing of my mind, God using His word to wash me.
May God conform me to His image, and may I draw close to Him.

Perseverance, Repentance for a lifetime

Christianity is not a checklist, its not attending church on Sundays, it is not prayers before meals and bedtime that have nothing to do with God and everything to do with what you want to extort from God. I want people to know that if you seek God for what you can get out of Him in this life, then you are wrong because you looking for the temporal to satisfy. The crowd who was fed by the loaves and fishes thought to make Jesus king forcefully because he fed them. They were seeking for the food that perishes but not Christ who could truly satisfy. We can be in the world but not of the world. We cannot be so drawn to what the world offers. When Christ is your treasure he will make the movies, the books, the plays, the dances, the unbelievers, parties, the food, the fleeting pleasures of this world will grow dim. What is associated with Christ, the bible, prayer, the fellowship of believers, evangelism, and missions, should draw us.
Tell me do little steps equal sanctification when there is no repentance. No, since salvation is a supernatural work of God,then you should be changed and sanctified daily. I am grieved by something and have been to years and know that God can change things. One has to see the depths of their lostness before they appreciate the salvation God offers. An acknowledgement of sin without biblical repentance... This is what God says.
2 Corinthians 7:10 NASB
For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.

Christianity is freedom to live a holy life not by our own efforts but by the power of the Holy Spirit. We will fail and sin at times but not to the depths of the past and we will be conformed and transformed day by day to the image of Christ.
Examine yourself be sure you have entered the narrow gate and are on the narrow way.

Love One Another

What does love entail?
Love is not a sentiment, a trite word that show itself only one day a year. Its not an obsession. It should not make you weak. It is not showy. Instead it shows itself in service, in action, not teddy bears or candy but in every day encouragement, in praying for them, in helping them. As I look and see the stores fill displays with candy and teddy bears and flowers I realize more and more "No greater love has one than this that a man would lay his life down for his friends".

I don't want to love in word and not action but I also don't want the world's idea of "love" without the reality as how it is seen on the cross.

Remembering

Memories can be good or bad. I will mention the bad first. Past sin can run like an epic movie in one's mind. It leaves such a bad taste and feeling within and at times has me wondering if I have truly changed.
The glory of God has a way of showing us who one truly is without God.
Isaiah 6:5 NASB
Then I said, "Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I live among a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts."

Yet remembering good, remembering the good things God had done, remembering who God is, is something the bible in the Psalm and even in the the New Testament speaks of.

Psalm 63:6-7 NASB
When I remember You on my bed, 
I meditate on You in the night watches, 
For You have been my help, 
And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

Psalm 77:11-15 NASB
I shall remember the deeds of the LORD; 
Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. 
I will meditate on all Your work 
And muse on Your deeds. 
Your way, O God, is holy; 
What god is great like our God? 
You are the God who works wonders; 
You have made known Your strength among the peoples. 
You have by Your power redeemed Your people, 
The sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.

Luke 1:46-55 NASB
And Mary said: 
"My soul exalts the Lord, 
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. 
"For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave; 
For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed. 
"For the Mighty One has done great things for me; 
And holy is His name. 
"And HIS MERCY IS UPON GENERATION AFTER GENERATION TOWARD THOSE WHO FEAR HIM.
"He has done mighty deeds with His arm; 
He has scattered those who were proud in the thoughts of their heart. 
"He has brought down rulers from their thrones, 
And has exalted those who were humble. 
"He HAS FILLED THE HUNGRY WITH GOOD THINGS; 
And sent away the rich empty-handed. 
"He has given help to Israel His servant, 
In remembrance of His mercy, 
As He spoke to our fathers, 
To Abraham and his descendants forever."

In reading God's word there is so much to learn about God and to remember about ourselves if one looks to themselves they will always see lack but it God there is satisfaction of the soul.

Show quoted text

In reading God's word there is so much to learn about God and to remember about ourselves if one looks to themselves they will always see lack but in God there is satisfaction of the soul.

Can we talk about God please...

I don't know much about biblical fellowship. Actually I do know some. I remember when a few years ago I would go out with a group of people after the service we would meet in Perkins, and we would talk about the Lord and encourage and exhort one another until the restaurant closed. I am not idealizing this.
I miss those days. I have a feeling of urgency like I am running out of time. God has equipped me but I do not know for what I am a single woman... I am limited in my scope.

Prayer

My prayer. I don't want a manufactured excitement about You God. I don't want to hear a song and then want to praise You. From old You have been a Good who has acted on behalf of Your creation. We are your handiwork made for good works. I stand in awe knowing only the limited amount through Your word of Your works. My prayer is like that of Moses show me Your glory, that I may more and more depart from sin. That I may love You more and fear doing wrong. My life this life is yours do with it what You will because though it's a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God, where else can I go you have the words of eternal life. There are so many moments that my flesh is drawn to sin, that my flesh is drawn to idolatry not even bad things but good things You supply. Please let my eyes seek You foremost.

Vulnerable

I hate vulnerability but God is showing me that.

1) God sustains me
2) I am weak
3) following my emotions is foolish

I am listening to a book that is showing me that "the heart is deceitfully wicked"....

God has impressed upon me that I want to be a woman of character even if it means serving in the little things.

In the end this is what I ask for.
Psalm 27:4 NASB
One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD And to meditate in His temple.