I know that just because I seek the Lord does not mean that what I do is strong-arming the Lord to do as I want. God is not beholden to me but I find myself lonely. I find myself needy. I miss physical closeness. I just don't miss the feeling of being used. I don't know what to do with my feeling except cry out that God who listens to me and knows me would listen to what the Holy Spirit is crying out for and not any selfish desire.
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