On this my birthday

God has kept me these 28 years of my life. He has taken away my self-righteousness, my hypocrisy, my God has crowned me with His neverending lovingkindness. I like to listen to Beauty is Vain from time to time to see who I am supposed to be. God is continuing to sanctify me and has shown me time and time again it is He who supplies my needs, who brings conviction, who does good work in my life, who has provided a family in Christ, who makes me into a biblical woman. May Christ be my love and my passion, may He continue to sanctify me and do good works through my life. In this my 28th year I find myself blessed.

Discernment and Loving Christ

Today I went to a Christmas service. I had so much joy.  Christ is worthy. Christ You are my life I submit all my desires before You. I hope in You. In God's word I see His Glory I see that He is sufficient. In the end my hope, my faith is in Christ. It is my birthday in two hours and I see my desperate need of Him. I see Verna and Diane women in their twilight years single and they love the Lord. God thank you for tearing down the idol.

In Christ I have all I need.

Revival within and without

God can speak though donkeys and stones. I will admit that I am one of those two. These past few days I have been rebuked. I have been tempted to despair but God has been gracious in providing strength. Yet God gave me the opportunity to point others to Him. To pray for other women. I do not know what God is doing. I am amazed how He is working in my life. 
God gave me grace in the midst of so much trial and despair. When I think on Christ and who He is I am awed and overcome. May I see His Glory.

Thank You my Lord

Praying

Praying is hard for me when it comes to certain things I can pray for others. I have been praying for the Lord to be glorified but three things I don't pray for or ask the Lord about as I should. My own struggles, and marriage,  and my future husband. I feel bad for him... I pray when I remember maybe a few times one week, then forget for a week or two, or maybe a month. Then I wonder what am I supposed to pray for this guy about. Well then I realize maybe a way to be a woman he can trust is to pray for my sanctification. The process hurts, but its a temporary affliction that results in an eternal weight of glory. Well maybe I should pray.

Bitterness/Contentment

I am going to speak plainly and honestly. I get upset sometimes that a believer who is a man may look at the outer appearance and not what is within. I used to have such a sense of entitlement that maybe if I reach a certain point God will have to give me what I want. I was wrong, God grants us the riches of His mercy each day. So Christ died to reconcile to Himself sinners who by their own merit only earn His wrath. He gives them His own righteousness. I need more of Jesus. Why are you downcast O my soul. Trust in God!

Life

As I looked up into the sky very dazed I wondered how I got into this situation. I am weak and my life ends according to God's will. God would be good would be just should He take me at this moment. I had always believed myself to be tough and capable yet my glory is as of the grass, here today and gone tomorrow. 

Habakkuk 3:17-19
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
   nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
   and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
   and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
    I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the deer's;
   he makes me tread on my high places.

My Lord is my portion and should I die I will long for my Lord and seek Him all the days I am given. I am not guaranteed another day so may this day be used to make my God look great.

Lord, You who have known the depths of my depravity yet have loved me. 

Jesus You who gave up Your life that I may have eternity with You. 

May I wait upon You Lord with patience and humility 

and yet may I have a passion for You that surpasses all trifling mythologies. 

With an everlasting love You looked upon me. 

While I was nothing. 

No genealogy, 

a common flower whom no one wanted. 

You were the gardener that carefully transplanted me to soil where I thrived build upon 

Your words which constantly would say LIVE. 

I began to bloom with a beauty that reflected Your care

Beloved, my beloved however many years You provide

Open my eyes to see Your loving care

Anonymity

I feel much of the time writing gives me a sense of anonymity as if I can say what I think with no repercussions without this getting back to the people I see every day. My prayer is that God may rid me of this sense of entitlement. That God may control my tongue may I encourage and not tear down. I do not want to fall into temptation anymore. Be tempted by romance. I know who hides me and protects me. May I long to be where He is. I am not Cinderella I am not a fairy tale princess under a magic spell. I am just an average woman. Brown hair, brown eyes and all. May God make me into the woman He wants me to be.