Jesus at the Center

As a Christian Christ should be our center, the One we follow. I think at times we are drawn to the Christian community, the people, the friendships but is it Christ in them. It gets to be that conversations are more about home school, sourdough starters, raising chickens, and gardening than the Savior, Jesus the one who redeemed us. I am glad that God changed my trajectory 3 years ago. I just want to grow more.

A Month Already

I miss writing. Putting pen to paper. I have gotten tired of books. There are no new plots. I have always had a desire to write different books. I wonder if I can actually finish one. One where God is lifted high and is pure.

Being Who God Wants Me To Be

I will begin with God. I think when one is informed only by parts of the Bible it's easy to look at God in two different categories. The first is of course the vengeful God who is Holy and will punish the guilty. It's easy to fear God in a way that doesn't have to do with awe but terror. People who happen informed in this way will see God as far off. The second view of God is the "buddy" God who is very human. He is all love and does in no way condemn sin. He is more a friend than a father. The truth of God is definitely more than we can fathom. Yet God can be known through his word. God is a Holy and Righteous, He is Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, of His Kingdom there shall be no end. He is Holy, high and lifted up, set apart. He will judge yet He provides pardon through His Son taking on the punishment we deserve. Yet when He does this He does not let us live in sin loving ways instead, gives us repentance. God clearly states who He is in His word.

Now about who I am supposed to be. I fall short a lot. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman, but I am not there yet. I want to be a good wife, supporting my husband, loving him. I want to encourage my family but not fall under my old ways of enabling them. My life is way different than before God brought my husband into my life and my life is all the better for it. Most of all I want to be a woman who fears the Lord.

What I learned in Puerto Rico

From maybe 12-5 am no one obeys the traffic lights. The food did not taste like it did in the past. I still have this feeling of being at home. Though I can speak Spanish I am not at a level to get all my points across as easily as I  do in English. 

God will provide. 

When you have a lot its easy to want even more but when you have little you are thankful for what you do have.

God is my strength and my song.

Weight Loss and Living a Healthy Lifestyle

From 2018 to 2019 God put it in me to lose weight. I had a very sweet friend a nutritionist who helped me out. I went from 252 to 199. After a relationship I ended up at 242. Then I started losing weight again and I met my now husband through it. We walked together, read the bible and Christian books together. Then after marriage I made our meals but unfortunately made large portions so my husband gained 30 pounds and I went from 185 to 253. Then slowly as I started making our food from scratch I started losing weight. Last year after a high stress job I started doing exercise, treadmill, low carb, high protein. I went from 242 to 216. My husband has been my cheerleader. I am so much more active since starting my fully remote job. Less stress I am thankful to God. With my husband I was loved even when I was chunky. His love reminds me of God love. Our marriage has change my life. 

Already February

I have been going through a trial and I realize my body can't take any sugar. When I was growing up we grew up on highly processed food and even though now I eat homemade foods from scratch any starch has been affecting me from... one of my desires. God is faithful and has been helping me. In this time I am thankful God put a song in my heart. I am still working on losing weight and have had a lot of slow but sure progress. So I have to be sugar free I wish I could find the reason why but for now I will keep praying and thanking God. God please continue to hear me when I call. Thank You for my husband and this place You have us. We trust in You not in man. 

The Little Things

All of the little things add up to the bigger picture of a relationship. Today even though my husband was far away he sent me some messages that will warm even the coldest of hearts. I am thankful to God for that. I think when you find someone who loves deeply and shows it in practical ways that is a blessing. Life is sweet and God has provided so much. God has redeemed my life from the pit and even when I wasn't listening to him He still brought me close. Work has been steady and I am so glad to have more peace. I wonder at times why God has led me so far to get to this point now and I see that without the trials, without the sorrows, without the folly that I have committed, I wouldn't be so filled with gratitude now. Darkness comes before the morning and God has made beauty from ashes. 

Romance After Marriage is not dead

My husband is very romantic and I am like a girl who still squeals at her crush. The other day hubby saw it was my break time since I work from home. He came to my office chair set up in the kitchen and swept me up into his arms and carried me the other room where we have his office and spare bed. I am chunky and when he picks me up or just carries me I realize that romance should not be done with after marriage. Love should be cultivated and is an action. These 4 years are a blessing and I thank God.

If Wishes Were Horses

So as a Christian you are supposed to work as if working for the Lord. I work hard and I also seek to make our house a home. At times I wish I could cook for a side hustle. I like to make quiche, bake cakes, learn how to make cinnamon rolls and sell them so that I do not eat it. I am not a food influencer. I just want to use the gifts God gave me in order to make extra money. I am so glad my husband loves food. I am glad for the small items I have sold and hope to make more.  

Thoughts- December 21, 2025

For me it's easy to worry about people. Yet the Lord tells me to cast my cares on Him. So it's once again almost my birthday and how do I feel about it. I am trusting that the Lord will do work. That my desire for kids will not be an idol but that God will bring it about knowing that He is powerful. I think I have given so much time to things that are not edifying. I am thankful to God for what he has done. He has saved my soul. So as I walk and ponder his goodness. Thinking of the local church and hoping and praying for growth and the Lord sustaining hand. I am thankful for new opportunities, for the grace God has given me to enjoy being a traditional wife despite having to work. I love my husband and the life God has granted us. We have a house, clothes, and food and God has even given me the opportunity to bless others. I have known loss and plenty, I have known pain and well-being and like Paul says I have learned to be content. So as I sit here just waiting I thank God for his goodness, and His forgiveness knowing that though I deserve wrath He has given mercy.

Its the most wonderful time of the year

Christmas even as a kid has been bittersweet because I would sit and wonder is there more than presents and food. Since God has done a work in my life I have had little taste of what it could be. I want to celebrate every day Jesus, the Son of God, fully God and fully man.  This rejoicing is in different ways because as a Christian one meditates on God's word, prays without ceasing, and whether we eat or drink we do all to the glory of God. So each day devotions and praying and sometimes singing. Anyway so I would love to just fellowship and worship the Lord.

When I wrote romance- A Poem

With each scribble

Each stroke of the keyboard

I fell in love with each hero

Pieces of me in every heroine

When I felt loveless

The male leads would say I love you

Yet as I hunched over the computer

Lording over characters 

Determining their ends

Loneliness had set 

I had tried to gain love but felt worthless

Even while I played god

Over my written world

He showed me His love

Jesus loves not as man does

God does not look at the outer appearance 

But looks in the heart

He loved me while I was unlovable 

Now my eyes look towards that day

The culmination in heaven

A wedding feast as the Bride

Christ our Heavenly Bridegroom

What It Takes to Have a Good Marriage

Jesus. The Holy Spirit has to empower you to love sacrificially, to hold the person as higher than yourself. As a wife what God calls me to do is to respect my husband. He is called to love me as Christ loved the church, to wash me in the water of the Word. 

I am thankful for what God has provided. Its so sweet that God has graciously set us in a state where we love each other more each day. I look at him and think wow this man is so handsome. Anyway let me go back to the topic at hand I don't think we would be in this honeymoon state of mind if it wasn't for Christ at work in our lives. 

God help me to be a good wife to him. To be thankful at what you do in his life. To submit to his leadership. To trust him because he trusts you and to communicate with him.  

God consider our desire for children and do it so others will marvel at what you do. You who gave children to Sarah, to Rebecca, to Rachel, to Hannah, to Elizabeth will surely be able to do it in our life. 

May our marriage reflect Christ and the Church. Thank you God for my husband, for Your love, for sending Your Son to die for us despite us being undeserving. 

Discipline

2 Timothy 1:6-7 ESV

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

God has not given us over to our fallen nature but instead gave us new life.

I have been overweight most of my life. Yet God has reminded me that He gives the believer self-control. 

There is food that I miss like pizza, bread, Trader Joe's mini chicken tikka masala samosas... Yet God is faithful. So I am back at it. Committing myself to it while I can by God's grace have children. So far there has been sucess even though I had hit a plateau. But I know God will do more amazing things in my mind,.heart and soul. So in the meantime I boast in my weakness knowing that God will continue the work with. 

To be a Better Wife

There are certain things the Bible says about what it means for a man to have a bad wife. 

Proverbs 25:24 ESV

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 27:15 ESV

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike;

I don't want to be that kind of wife. Yesterday I found myself impatient waiting on my husband. He was talking to someone at church and we were going to take a walk. I found myself getting more impatient the longer I waited. I am spoiled. So I talked to him about feeling impatient and I know its not something God wants me to be. I am very blessed by the relationship I have with my husband, he is my friend, my companion, and I hope by God's grace the father to our children. 

A lot of what this blog was for was to showcase what I have done to prepare for the proverbs 31 kind of woman. I have learned a lot, to cook, to sew, to sell items on the side yet in the end those things don't compare to the major attribute she must have to be a woman who fears the Lord.

I want to do my husband good all the days of his life, to respect him, to love him yet the reason why has to be because I love the Lord Jesus.

I can see now how much God has shown his love through my husband. When my phone was failing early on in our relationship he purchased me a phone. When I got back from Hawaii and I was sick with Covid my husband would visit me every night. He even purchased food for me when I wasn't feeling hungry. Even when he did not like my nose ring he didn't tell me to take it out. He was the first to say "I love you." He got me flowers just because. God is faithful. 

Love is a gift. God has shown His love for me that even though I have sinned Christ died for me. Not for me to remain the same butto be sanctified day by day.

I once read a book where the husband gave the wife a ring and it was inscribed with a saying I wonder if it was in French but it said "more than yesterday but less than tomorrow" talking about their love. I love my husband more now than I did when we were courting, then I did the day that we were married. 

There are times when we wonder why God had not had us meet sooner? I remind myself God's timing is perfect. 

Sorry for rambling on. I want to be a better wife to show love to my husband, to respect him, and what he does, to feed, and care for him, to encourage his faith and be the carer of our home.

I am thankful to God for all of the mercies He has provided.

The Devaluation of Marriage

In todays society there are men who want to be treated as a husband yet without the work. They give the girlfriend the minimum while she basically is trying to win the prize of being a bride. It is sad to see these women in the long run wasting years with someone who won't marry them. A guy usually knows early on if she is the one. Being married is a wonderful thing and as a Christian doing it in a way that honors God. I married a man who became my best friend. He listens to me and knows me, we sing together worship songs, we joke with each other, have adventures together. I make him lunch, encourage him, he makes me into a better woman knowing him. I wish sometimes I would have met him when he first came to Minnesota, he tells me the same. As I look back on knowing him and how our love has grown since marriage. I am grateful to God. 

To Love Others

Its a hard thing to love others especially when its clear they do not like you. The only thing you can do is love them like Christ loves you. This means not harboring resentment but just love. I love by offering help. It is too much of a drain to think of how others think about you. Instead its better to working God. To remember.how much God has forgiven me and let any actions flow from that.

Already August

Time flies. I have gotten used to it. Today I woke up at 2 am. Horrible. Yet I made myself productive and thank the Lord because I had an urge to make brown butter bacon bits chocolate chip cookies....... I really want to buy flakey salt.... Anyway I tried to make myself productive. I am industrious. I like to make homemade items. I like being profitable on the side. Its weird the differences that have come into my life. I am just glad to share me adventures with my beloved hubby. 

The Lord Cares

It is easy to give the slogan to Let go and let God. God says in the scriptures to cast all your cares on Him cause He cares for you. 

In the NASB it says this.

1 Peter 5:6-7 NASB

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

I give the Lord my fears and desires and all the worry that troubles me. I ask that God will help me to submit to my husband. I seek to be the kind of wife God calls me to be in Ephesians 5

Ephesians 5:22,33 NASB

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Anyway its so late I better get to sleep.

When a video brings it all up

I saw a video from Mike Winger. I watch his youtube channel from time to time even though I do not agree on his views on election. He had Teisi Cannon as a guest who spoke about her experience being bullied from the pulpit and it brought everything back. The sermon on how the pastor felt attacked. The sermon talking about how a couple should be excommunicated. The sermon that pointed to my husband as a friend who wanted to help as a witness to a meeting. I guess my major question is. Was it worth it?

But then there are other questions...

Do you think your sin is gone if not admitted publicly?

Do you even realize that the pulpit should not be used to bully the sheep?

Sigh. God you know. You know everything that happens behind closed doors. I leave it at your feet.

I know that I am not one to confront. I was sent an email to meet with the elders if I felt that they did something wrong. I did not want to be like the other couple sitting under what seemed like a tribunal. I definitely was not going to go that route. Like if people would listen anyway. 

I think that times pastors are put on this pedestal as if they can do no wrong when the reality is that they need people who will tell them that they did wrong for the sake of their souls. 

I am of a belief that if sin is hidden,  unaddressed, unrepented in the life of an elder or a pastor they should be disqualified from ministry. Does that mean forever? No. I do think that the sin that disqualifies permanently is sexual immorality. I am of a belief that if they truly repent not only before God, the congregation and also the person that they sinned against that God can restore them.

The problem is that bullying doesn't stop at just one person unless the Lord works in a person.