Preaching Online

I feel blessed that my brother pointed out an opportunity for me to still be a witness even if it is online. Yet I want so much to do open air preaching yet I need encouragement and to have other believers with me good fellowship provides that. Anyway I have been around an issue I had one disagreement and just cut myself from the situation. I have so much going on right now. I want more than anything that my life may be used to glorify God. He knows my inner thought so I do not have to say more. I am entrusting my future to His hands. I wish I could know what happens to me in the future. I love this saying I heard it at the end of Ten Shekels and a Shirt so I will use it now May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His sufferings. Let my life be lived for Christ that whatever happens I will submit to Him. 

Not Right

I have been neglecting fellowship I decided to stay home. I have not been evangelizing at all and you know what I long for that. Why do I seek what is not of the Lord. God should be first and I should proclaim Him from the roof tops. We are filthy rotten creatures who do not deserve the mercy of God yet He was willing to die for us while we nailed Him to the cross with our crimes. We need Him don't think you don't. I don't ever want to turn away from Jesus.

An Idol of the mind

Hosea 6:4-7

"O Isreal and Judah what should I do with you?" asks the Lord. "For your love vanishes like the morning mist and disappears like dew in the sunlight. I sent my prophets to cut you to pieces-to slaughters you with my words, with judgements as inescapable as light. I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings. But like Adam, you broke my covenant and betrayed my trust.

I  too have broken that covenant even now when the LORD has been merciful to a sinner like me. Why do I not love Him as He should be loved. Why do I not give Him more of my time. Other thoughts prevail rather than meditating on His sacredness. I would talk of thing of a biblical nature yet not use the word. The word He gave us by which to live. My walk has been stagnant yet I have learned that He has been merciful in showing me.

Love the Lord your God with all your soul heart and mind.

Yet what do I put in my mind rather than the things of God. I am ashamed. I hope to change I hope I become wiser in my walk. I have coveted an ideal. I have set it up on a pedestal, marriage and courtship in my mind. I was wrong. For that I have to pray for. I was created to glorify God and that is the manner in which I should live. To cling to the cross and relish in His mercy. God save me and change me. 

Fellowship

Being around Christians gives me such joy. God has given me so much joy in my life. Being a lone ranger Christian does not work fellowship gives Christians encouragement, aid, and being around others. Going to church and meditating on God words singing songs of praise to my God and King I will follow Him and not take shame of the cross of Christ. I will endeavor to put Jesus first.

Marriage

I know couples who have married and are now separated and I have seen people who are unhappily married. 

I have seen people who hurt each other because they want more, seeking what love can give them. They sought more the magic of infatuation rather than the reality of two imperfect sinners. When I look over the differences between men and women I rejoice at the handiwork of God. When I was younger I saw men as less than what God made them to be. I would have bashing sessions with my sisters demeaning those I did not even know. I was wrong I had used my anger and bitterness and hatred I was wrong. I put too much stock in finding Mr. Right that that would bring me happiness. I was wrong. It is weird I hated to admit my guilt. 

Marriage is where two people who are not compatible but created for the other become one.  It is not about dresses and tuxedo, or meal it is about what comes after the honeymoon. 

Marriage I have learned is about living day to day lives. Go through the little things about taking care of a place, chores, and personal lives. It is about sharing lives, having children, and living life I do not know how to explain it maybe if I had mentors of married couples I would feel better. 

I have no guidance, my parents only knew each other a month before they were married. They do not feel like I do. None of my siblings feel as I do. They think I am crazy but the reality is I am thinking biblically.

Future

I do not know what is in my future. I know that their is so much I want to do but I want to be sure that it is God behind me wanting to be in missions and not my desire to travel. 

There is so many thoughts that are in my head. There is fear of an upcoming appointment with a doctor. There is church membership I am seeking at Bethlehem Baptist Church. I am worried about tomorrow when it says in the bible in Matthew 6:34 "So don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. "

I am unfinished and I will remain unfinished until the day I die. I am 24 with so much growing to do. I am still a child in the ways of the Lord. I want so much for the future to happen now. My impatience is showing. I want to know will I remain single? Will God save my older sister? Will this job work out? Am I living my life for the glory of God? Will I ever do missions? 

The worry is going away God is in control. I am assured that He does everything for His glory. I am satisfied with that. Thank You, God.

Not Talking

Gossiping is wrong and evil. People take glee in it and I am guilty of it. It is like vultures chewing on a carcass it has been dead for days. Just stop. Stop talking. What does God say about a malicious tongue?

Poison, it spews out of mouth like a wicked thing. Loving to talk about depravity. 

Stop talking. What you expose of other people will be exposed of you. We talk yet God reveals our iniquities. Do you think you can talk about other peoples deeds yet I know I have done worse. God help us, each one of us is evil with a heart of stone who needs Jesus to breath life into us.

Only by His life do we come alive.