Why I left

I'm alone for a moment and I am at peace with where I'm at. I am always in need of the Lord but I know that He is with me. His staff and his rod they comfort me. He restores my soul.

I have been reading a book called Bully Pulpit by Michael Krueger. I am taken aback by how this brings everything back from 6 months ago. 

By August of 2023 I had been uneasy at church. The sermons I was hearing I could not bear. It was not conviction of sin but more I was discerning something that had been growing for a while. There was an undercurrent of bullying and I see it now for what it was. 

From the pulpit a person was preached against, a person who is a believer. I was already going downstairs because of my unease. Due to the sermon a church voted to excommunicate a brother and sister who were believers. That hurt so much, it was not even me. I could not stay. I left August 20, 2023. All I know is that man cannot take away a person's salvation.

So out of the whole situation the bible is speaks so clearly to me.

1 John 2:10-11 ESV

Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.

The Fear of the Lord

Proverbs 9:10 ESV

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.

Deuteronomy 8:6 ESV

So you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God by walking in his ways and by fearing him.

When I woke up at 2:00 a.m. I wondered what is it to fear the Lord. He dwells in unapproachable light. He is infinitely high above us. He is pure holy and set apart yet He is God who descended from the heavens. Who are we but lowly man.

Proverbs 14:27 NASB

The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, That one may avoid the snares of death.

Proverbs 8:13 NASB

"The fear of the LORD is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way And the perverted mouth, I hate.

Isaiah 6:1-5 NASB

In the year of King Uzziah's death I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple. Seraphim stood above Him, each having six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called out to another and said, "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD of hosts, The whole earth is full of His glory." And the foundations of the thresholds trembled at the voice of him who called out, while the temple was filling with smoke. Then I said, "Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I live among a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts."

Food

When I was a young girl of about maybe 10 I started making my own eggs. Later on I would say maybe in my late teens and early twenties my mom would have me make the side dishes during Thanksgiving. 

My mom and I would watch a lot of cooking shows. She would get ideas and then try them out. I still remember when she used orzo pasta to make a chicken egg bake it was really really good. 

Thinking about the changes in cooking since the advent of the internet and social media platforms like YouTube and Instagram and even Facebook there are more recipes out there. You can travel the world food-wise from the comfort of your own kitchen. 

I've had the opportunity to learn how to make food from Thailand, Vietnam, China, Japan, South Korea, Russia, Germany, France, England, Ireland, Nigeria, Mali, Liberia, South Africa, Mexico, Puerto Rico, India, Pakistan, the Philippines, Argentina, and yet I still want to cook more, travel more. 

I like to show hospitality through food. So what am I called to do.... 

To do everything to the glory of God. 

Do the hard thing

1 Peter 4:7-10 ESV

The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace:

I have been distressed and in mourning over things. My church is going through some stuff. It has been hard. What should I say about it I have not really talked to anyone but my husband and those who are affected and I am glad that I did. I have been wearied.

Lord's Day

I have been very reticent. It's hard when lately I have not wanted to go to church. I guess just conflict has me just burdened and depressed. When I am downcast my body ails me. Sucks. I have been though encouraged to know truths about God and His presence which is always there.

Psalm 139:4-5,9-10,15-16 ESV

Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. [5] You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. 

[9] If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, [10] even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. 

[15] My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. [16] Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

I will rest in that God despite my lack of faith is always with me. Though I am faithless He remains faithful.

To God be the glory for His steadfast love upon the children of man.

Missions

I have for a long time been invested in missions. When I became a believer truly a believer I realized the necessity of evangelism. I was listening to a radio show called Way of the Master radio, that later became Wretched radio. I listened sermons. God took hold of me and impressed upon me the need for the proclamation of the Gospel. I went out with my church at the time, on their designated night to go out then later with my small group. I was given many opportunities to go out and share the Gospel. During this time I saw different film, I may have heard what God has been doing in the nations. I went to different countries and more and more in seeing God saving a people who never heard of him before. If God means for me to go for missions He will make it plain but for now I will pray for workers to go into the field. I will pray for the salvation of the lost. I shall not elevate myself. I am not special or super spiritual but I want to live my life daily giving my life as a living sacrifice to my heavenly Father because of what Christ through the Holy Spirit has done in my life.