A Time

In Ecclisiastes it says that there is a time for everything. Yet can I be afraid of sorrow to come. Grieve for the grief to come. Worry about family, that they might have strength for what may come. Life is not easy yet God, Jesus Christ is our comforter. My life shines and wanes according to what God ordains. There are times I shines and I radiate youth and vibrancy. There are times I look old, weak, weary by this world. I long to be with Christ yet I know my life is meant for more. To love God to love others, to become a servant and not a leader, that is God has planned for me. I see hazily who God wants me to be and lately I have suffered a fall and I wonder how can God still hold me up. He never takes his hand off of me. Reminds me of His grace of His holiness.
Time like these I wish I had biblical leadership someone on whom I can depend on. I forget that it is God on whom we rely but I guess its more than that.
I'm scared yet God will provide.

Conversation

Looking up at the sky from a tiny little car made me realize the vast glory that is my God. Yet I also know that God was with me always. Which made me reveal my thoughts about it adding also that if God revealed himself to the unsaved world it would drive many to their knees in fear. Unfortunately it drew a response from the person I was with that was unexpected.

You should not fear God, God is a God of love.

I replied with something along these lines the fear of God in the beginning of all knowledge.

Still more about how no one should fear God.

I said there is no condemnation for those is Christ Jesus making me realize that God's word has begun to take a hold on me.

I will not give more of play by play I just wanted to say this, how can we knew God mercy except by His just anger against sin? How can we know His lovingkindness except by realizing we don't deserve anything good from God yet He gives us breath, life, gifts, family, home, His love towards a rebellious people.

See Him as He is.

Thought on the Christian Life

There is something I find precious
That I hold dear
A wish I had before God changed me from who I was

In the beginning the thoughts of Jesus were awed
A reverant look at the God who saves
He is all encompassing, sovereign
Yet who am I to spurn it for sorrow

I know there is a time for everything under the sun
A time to laugh
A time to cry
A time to just live

Yet I in selfish want
Want to run that all things would leave me be
That my thoughts would be not of any perceived need
That they die and let me sleep

Why do they run through my mind
Why do they push me to go and find

and at the end may they seek the Christ

Church

Yesterday I saw a group of teens at church sitting in the front row. I don't know why they were there and I could not see their heart. They looked like typical American teens. The girls in make up and clothes from either express or old nave one girl in shorts. They chewed gum through the sermon. They chatted among themselves during the service. One of the young men turned to another and rolled their eyes. I realized that they might still be the living dead. I pitied them that they did not see the Glory of God. How much of a precious treasure He is and saw in them my own sin. Did they not see their deadness? Did it not remind me that the cares of this time on earth have been crowding in on me lately. Yet may Christ be first, that He might be what I seek. Their are people who go to church their whole lives yet thing of God as the icing on the cake, when the reality is he is everything. Listen your life is nothing is worthless and at the end of it you will die and go to hell for thinking that this life is the be all end all. Yet Christ in his mercy takes a person steeped in lies, in blasphemy, in lust, in sin and changes them transforms them. Makes their lives be to His Glory. They turn from sin they love Him first and foremost, and that is by making them ALIVE. Putting a heart of flesh in them that hates sin and loves HIM. You can't makes yourself become alive again only God can.

May Jesus Christ be first in my affections.

Bible

I've been putting God second. Thinking to often on what does not edify. Dreaming of what may not come to pass. I have found that my life has been lived on feeling insignificant feelings on what I wish my life were like. I have not been reading the bible as I used to. Spending way too much time chatting and not devoting myself to living for Christ. It changes today. My life will not be lived in vain.

Love do you know what it truly is.

Love between a man and woman. Can I rant? Can I tell people exactly what is wrong with their ideals on love? They turn out these statements like “You mean everything to me.” or “My love for you will last for all eternity.” Tell me that this does not turn the person that they love into an idol. Then when they person that they love make a mistake or when the every day living makes it common they go out and try to find what gave them the same feelings as before and spend their lives seeking what they call true love. WAKE UP! Love is not like that. It will become routine. The person you love will annoy you and you will hate them sometimes. Yet God calls you to love that person in actions and emotions. There has to be a passion but first and foremost without God that love is not possible for man. 

Innocence, Purity, Virginity, and Godliness

I can never get my mind innocent again after being addicted to pornography. It started with my aunt giving me a romance novel at eight years old. This went on until I was 22 almost 23. I was ashamed and rightly so and would constantly try to clean myself up and had never last and came back worse than ever. Yet God chose in his kindness and goodness to keep me from intimate relations with any man. Intimacy outside of God ordained marriage is wrong. In that it violates what God has set up when he created Adam first the Eve from his rib. My mind still haunts me with who I used to be and tells me I am no different, but I will answer in this way. Without Christ saving me and the Holy Spirit working to conform me into the image of Christ I would still be in the gutter. Yes my sins had stained me and I in my own power was not able to make myself clean. God has made me white as snow. By the Holy Spirit working to break me and push me towards repentance and by being in his word, praying, fasting, loving him more that any other with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I cherish what I used to despise, I am a virgin. God is good.