Dream I had 6/5/09

One moment I was awake tap tap tapping away at the keys of my mac, and then I was in a dilapidated old home with old white wood shingles the paint peeling and fading swollen from water damage the inside dark wood floor that must have looked beautiful in its hay day. I was with a group in the house looking for my little nephew. He was lost looking the very image of his father cute with short weasel teeth. I looked and searched but I could not find him. Then in the foyer close to the door I heart the loud giggles. It was empty large fancy even in its condition yet the little boy called me out of it and the journey began. I ran out of the house and saw his mom she is beautiful, wearing some hip hop gear hoody covering her raven dark hair but revealing her face, a short skirt with pleats. She was impatient had somewhere to go. A car was being loaded parked on the street outside. Yet I took her little boy and she did not mind and we started walking away from the old whitewashed house full of the walking dead. My brother, 23, same round face only an inch or so taller came with. When we came across another house and my nephew was snatched away by the enemy. To get out of the house we had to go through a locked window of metal thorns they pinched as my brother and I tried to solve the puzzle that would get portion to shift and open. It closed at times and was frustrating but we got it to swing open. My brother (almost my twin) went through the window. I did not see him again. I drew away from the window and tried to find my nephew. That little boy was always getting into trouble. Door swung locked behind me as I went though the maze in that old mansion. I knew the enemy had the little boy in order that I may be back in his hands. I heard a giggle and saw a little boy's sneaker peeking out from behind a small recliner. I went around it and found that a piece of wood stuck straight out from the chair. A sock and sneaker fastened to it to trick me. Then I saw him my little man sitting in another chair waiting for me. The room was full of different types of chairs with a small portion on the right side blocked off looking like an old style bank with high wooden counters and many attendants. They told me I could not get out of this room. That everything was sealed. Yet I quoted scriptures as I carried the little boy through a low set of doors finding out they were swinging doors. Their plans were thwarted and I found myself at a counter. With my younger brother the one I attend church with he is skinny and sweet. A man stood to my right he was white old wore a grey vested suit and a white mustache. He said "You have to drink the sweet elixir but also the vinegar in between sips.” Me, my brother, and my little nephew followed his directions. Then I awoke.

What am I?

Sometimes I waver in who I am am I still a girl or am I a woman? 

Let me think does marriage make a girl a woman? No.

Can I be a woman of God without being married? Yes.

Am I a woman in maturity? I don't know. 

Great. To reveal this puzzlement over this is not good but I am being truthful. All I know that with the help of God I will survive I will persevere. I will lay down my desires before him. My hopes, my fears that he will take care of them in the manner of His choosing. God has been good to me. Kind loving friends, and family, God help us.

I want to be a woman of God.

To God

To be faithful 

To love truth

To hate what is evil

That is love 

To be in Jesus

To follow God's commandments

To hold to who God is

Is a work of God

After seeking happiness 

After seeking sin

In knowing you my Lord, my Savior 

My life stands full

Lord may my life glorify you

May there be justice for all that I've done

Yet may your son be mediator

Our lives sanctified

To God be the Glory for His gentle lovingkindness

Song of Songs 1:5-7 (Passage & Poetry)

 She

 5I am very dark, but lovely,


O daughters of Jerusalem,
like the tents of Kedar,


like the curtains of Solomon.


6Do not gaze at me because I am dark,
   

because the sun has looked upon me.
My mother’s sons were angry with me;
   

they made me keeper of the vineyards,
   

but my own vineyard I have not kept!


7Tell me, you whom my soul loves,
  

 where you pasture your flock,
   

where you make it lie down at noon;
for why should I be like one who veils herself
   

beside the flocks of your companions? 

To the one whom God has made for me

I am brown from the sun, the place I was born

Work has callused my hands, too strong to be dainty

I am not beautiful by any standard

Face to round, too sweet

Eyes direct without guile

Yet all that I am worth is in Christ

My hair is dark

Teeth straight and a tiny chip missing from my front tooth

I laugh to hard 

Sing to much 

Yet God has granted me favor

Beloved, the one whom God made for me

I was told never to give up, to wait patiently

They were right, what was said holds true

I am my beloved's and he is mine

Though I don't see I know he is there

For that day I will wait when your banner over me is love

Where I won't be seen as the strong one

As the one who could outsmart any man

I will wear white, my head bare 

unadorned but with love in my countenance

I will see you and you will see me

And even though I am not you will see beauty in me

Given by God

You will be wretched but so will I 

It will be ordain by God

God placed first 

and with true love, love each other

That it what I wait for

Finding Life

On my own I am nothing. With God I am a treasured child. God teaches me. God comforts me. God punishes me when I do wrong. God has been a wonderful father. I used to harbor such hate within me, I used to be so angry and now, now I feel like a stranger in this body of mine. God is so wonderful to me. He gives me joy, comfort, armor for the fight, He is powerful and never gives me more that I can bear. My God is worthy. My God is just. My God loves in spite of the wicked person I am. God saved me from my sin and watched it away. Don't you dare try to say that God is dead. Jesus is alive.

Crucify

This story was in a book by Joshua Harris. (paraphrasing)

A young man was burying a box of letters he wrote to the girl he loved. He was burying his dreams maybe even for good. His dreams came true he got the girl more or less four years later.

What happens when you have to cut out something. Submit something to God's will. I wish I were stronger but maybe it is best if I give it to the Lord. I am struggling and fighting yet I know I can't do this myself. I need God to help me. I need God to sustain me. I wish I had spiritual leadership all I have is my bible, my church, fellowship online. Yet at the end of the day it is just me and God  a good thing to be sure. I am weary of the battle. I am weary of the cuts, of the sting of sin. I have my parents looking at me as if I were crazy, for not looking to God for the material things, wealth, and health. I am poor and do not want wealth. I am weak but don't worry about health. I have only the little things. If it would be just me and God away from all this, the strife of everyday life maybe I would feel better. God ready me for battle, without you my life is nothing. God I will fight.

To God be all the Glory,

Levita

Ambassador's Academy

I spent 4 days in California. God is good that he allowed me the opportunity to spend time with people who were after his heart. I was sick and he strengthened me. I was shaking yet He gave me the voice to speak. I saw God work through people last week that I have not seen any other time. I saw people who wanted God to be glorified. That God might save people. The first night I coughed my head off and spent my off-time blowing my nose. I could not talk very loudly. Everyone was so kind. They were so loving. The next day we were out and about on Hollywood Boulevard. The Gospel was being preached, tracts were being given out, and they were witnessing to the Faith we are just frail earth yet God took a hold of people. We were counting upon God. We were not there to meet our heroes Tony Miano, Kirk Cameron, Emil "EZ" Zwayne, or Ray Comfort we were there that we proclaim Jesus Christ and him crucified. I was scared et God put me on the box this weekend that he might reveal my weakness. My legs shook, my voice hoarse, yet God was faithful, that I might proclaim His Goodness. I met so many people and fellowship with them was wonderful. I cried that last night and it was over three things one about the love for God, a love for the loss, and lastly that I might never get married to a godly man like I saw as examples of this weekend. That was my shame tears shed over that. I am a weak woman who wants to love God more who wants to love people more. Who wants the desire for marriage to be crucified. God please help me that my life may glorify you.