The Devaluation of Marriage

In todays society there are men who want to be treated as a husband yet without the work. They give the girlfriend the minimum while she basically is trying to win the prize of being a bride. It is sad to see these women in the long run wasting years with someone who won't marry them. A guy usually knows early on if she is the one. Being married is a wonderful thing and as a Christian doing it in a way that honors God. I married a man who became my best friend. He listens to me and knows me, we sing together worship songs, we joke with each other, have adventures together. I make him lunch, encourage him, he makes me into a better woman knowing him. I wish sometimes I would have met him when he first came to Minnesota, he tells me the same. As I look back on knowing him and how our love has grown since marriage. I am grateful to God. 

To Love Others

Its a hard thing to love others especially when its clear they do not like you. The only thing you can do is love them like Christ loves you. This means not harboring resentment but just love. I love by offering help. It is too much of a drain to think of how others think about you. Instead its better to working God. To remember.how much God has forgiven me and let any actions flow from that.

Already August

Time flies. I have gotten used to it. Today I woke up at 2 am. Horrible. Yet I made myself productive and thank the Lord because I had an urge to make brown butter bacon bits chocolate chip cookies....... I really want to buy flakey salt.... Anyway I tried to make myself productive. I am industrious. I like to make homemade items. I like being profitable on the side. Its weird the differences that have come into my life. I am just glad to share me adventures with my beloved hubby. 

The Lord Cares

It is easy to give the slogan to Let go and let God. God says in the scriptures to cast all your cares on Him cause He cares for you. 

In the NASB it says this.

1 Peter 5:6-7 NASB

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

I give the Lord my fears and desires and all the worry that troubles me. I ask that God will help me to submit to my husband. I seek to be the kind of wife God calls me to be in Ephesians 5

Ephesians 5:22,33 NASB

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Anyway its so late I better get to sleep.

When a video brings it all up

I saw a video from Mike Winger. I watch his youtube channel from time to time even though I do not agree on his views on election. He had Teisi Cannon as a guest who spoke about her experience being bullied from the pulpit and it brought everything back. The sermon on how the pastor felt attacked. The sermon talking about how a couple should be excommunicated. The sermon that pointed to my husband as a friend who wanted to help as a witness to a meeting. I guess my major question is. Was it worth it?

But then there are other questions...

Do you think your sin is gone if not admitted publicly?

Do you even realize that the pulpit should not be used to bully the sheep?

Sigh. God you know. You know everything that happens behind closed doors. I leave it at your feet.

I know that I am not one to confront. I was sent an email to meet with the elders if I felt that they did something wrong. I did not want to be like the other couple sitting under what seemed like a tribunal. I definitely was not going to go that route. Like if people would listen anyway. 

I think that times pastors are put on this pedestal as if they can do no wrong when the reality is that they need people who will tell them that they did wrong for the sake of their souls. 

I am of a belief that if sin is hidden,  unaddressed, unrepented in the life of an elder or a pastor they should be disqualified from ministry. Does that mean forever? No. I do think that the sin that disqualifies permanently is sexual immorality. I am of a belief that if they truly repent not only before God, the congregation and also the person that they sinned against that God can restore them.

The problem is that bullying doesn't stop at just one person unless the Lord works in a person.

Life Lived Out

 I have noticed a very strange thing about life right now. A lot of people live out their lives for an online audience. Have a story share it on Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok, Youtube... I guess I am thinking in a lot of ways do I want to share about where I go and things I do, stuff I buy, even meals I make? Definitely not. My main concerns are known by God, my husband and I. Where we live by a small group of people. If people want to talk to me they can call me. Advice I am there for it. Otherwise I just want to live my life out not for an audience. I want my life to reflect Christ. 

Writing

When I was young I loved writing, poetry and fiction. I remember those contests where if you paid money your poem would be published in books. I wanted so much to write a book but about what I was not certain, would it be prose, steam of conscience sort of thing or fiction losely based on some experience. I love romance but after I got married I saw more and more the sinful nature of this world. The world in there romance has sexual intimacy become love where the reality is that is not the case. I am thankful for my husband he has been good to me and continues to be considerate of me. I love him very much. Anyway I want to write romance be it would be very different more of a modern day Hosea type circumstance. 

Casket (A Poem)

Unlike ornate coffins

Filled with dead man bones

Before me is a plain

Slate gray unadorned dwelling place

Where you placed your animosity 

Where you hide the sin that lives in the background 

You dug up places to hide it

But He knows it all

Others pretend ignorance 

But truth will one day prevail

Lets hope before eternity comes

Adventure

One would think that traveling far away from home would be hard for an American used to all the modern conveniences. Here in the US we are very privileged to have available electricity, municipal water systems that clean and pump our own water, also stores that offer fresh, refrigerated, and frozen foods. Western countries are blessed. Since marriage I have traveled way more than I used to. More often than not it's a different state though I have gone to Canada, with my hubby I have traveled to Illinois, through Iowa, Arkansas, Louisiana and Alabama, Connecticut, New Jersey, and New York, Arizona and even Texas. Sometimes we travel by plane, sometimes by train, sometimes by car. Now we have been on our longest travel yet. It's been fun and sweet and I have loved a lot of it. And I am 8 days out from leaving. I'm going to miss this place and them very much. When I was younger and I went to Guatemala I felt so lost when I came home as if I have been changed. This world is not my home and I'm looking for an everlasting country the place where God's glory dwells. In the meanwhile I am a pilgrim on my way. 

Time Passing By

The older I get the more it seems that time goes by a whole lot quicker. I am 41 now and I started this blog when I was in my twenties. Since then I have attended different churches. Went from single to married, one nephew to two nephews and two nieces. God is faithful even in my weakness. Marriage is hard even with the best of partners.  Our marriage is sweet to the point that it still feels like we are still on our honeymoon. I love my husband very much, he is a gift from the Lord to me. I wish I were a better wife. 

God is good.

The Difference between Past and Present

When I was younger I would have a wanderlust and would seek to go far away. God has been merciful to allow me different opportunities to go to different countries. Now with my husband I have a partner to travel the world with. In my single days it was different I could put the time in I would do what I want Hawaii was a picture of this I hiked so much went to beaches, saw waterfulls, went to the Dole Plantation. I had just met my now husband 2 weeks before and he video called me a lot on my trip. With my husband we have gone on a lot of trips, to Arizona, Canada, Texas, Florida, Alabama, Louisiana, Missouri, and we have future trips in the works. We do pray for children. I hope we do. I am also seeking to live and eat more healthy. We prioritize our time with the Lord.  God knew what he was doing. I am content with my life even with trials and tribulations. Marriage is such a blessing. As I am here almost 2 in the morning thinking about the differences between my life when I was single and my life now I thank God for the gifts He has provided. 

Night Prayer

My dear Abba, there is so much to talk to You about. I am filled with gratitude for the work You have done in my life. To have victory over pornography. To give a godly husband despite my foolishness of not listening to counsel before. Thank You for my family and I pray that You will save those who have not been born again. Thank You for the examples of godly womanhood in my life. God You know how much I love missions and though You have called me to be where I am I ask that You empower those on the field. That they not be discouraged but that by the power of the Holy Spirit You will help them be bold in their witness, gracious to their enemies abounding in love and good works to both the lost and other believers. God for those who are suffering for Your Name's sake I pray that they know You are with them. Reveal to them Your lovingkindness. You are a Father who cares. I know that I bring this up from time to time but I know that You are the only one who can bring reconciliation at Oakridge and Providence. You know the extent of everyone's actions. God help me to love better. There are so many people to pray for, so my things I know only You can do. The healing of the sick, true revival instead of dead orthodoxy. I cry out to You because You spoke the world into existence, You told me while dead in my sin to live. God I hate this job but love the people and I honestly feel the weaker I get day by day though I seek to work hard. I go to sleep but wake up so so tired. Then the bleeding. Oh God please help, please heal me. You are the only one I can go to, only You have the words of eternal life. God You know our desire for children Lord. You alone knit children in the womb weaving together DNA. How marvelous are Your works among the children of man. God I praise Your Holy Name. In Your Name Lord Jesus, Amén.