In the silence

Love real love wants the best for another person. Love wants purity and love in it's proper context will engage Spiritually first, Emotionally second and physically third. There is much I regret yet there is hope. God is gracious to work everything out for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. I want to vomit out all the sin that is within. I want to be unashamedly free. I am tired.

My soul waits

"For God alone my soul wait in silence"

Life is fleeting. Once again I am facing it when I found out another person has passed away. As I grow older the more it comes to mind. I am 36 and I have lost all my grandparents and both my parents, I have lost, uncles, and friends.... What I realized is that God is right in His word when He writes teach me to number my days that I might gain a heart of wisdom. 

Right now I am praying for God to meet me, that my heart overflows with love for Him, that I have a right fear of the Lord... Praying for wisdom is this time as I walk through a strange time where my focus is on the Lord but I know He is planning something behind the scenes. His plans for me are more wonderful than I can imagine.

Thoughts

As people we are really finite. Which is why we have to live every moment in light of Eternity. What do we engage in what do we do? When I was younger I wanted to travel the world and explore and have a wide range of experiences..... I have a desire a missions and to see God glorified n the nations. I want God to fill my life and use my life. To live, laugh and love and to be unashamed at who I am. 

God is good. He has not given me more than I could handle. He has upheld me.

God working

I find that my feelings have been really strange. On Sunday after much prayer and consideration me and my boyfriend broke up. I don't have a woe is me attitude and I actually feel like that was God's answer. I have been blessed by knowing Kurt because knowing him taught me that it is okay to be open to be vulnerable and although it did not go where I wished. It accomplished God's purpose in my life.

What will happen from here I do not know. I will not be dating for two months but I will be spending time with friends. I consider Kurt to be a good friend and I pray that God will do a work in both our lives.

God will do that work.

My question to myself would try again a second time..... Yes but this time hopefully with a solid foundation, seeking the Lord individually and together, prayer for God's will and truly discerning the future. Talking deeply about God and seeing God change us. Anyway I am appreciating the opportunity to cultivate more friendships. I realize God's love is sometimes doing hard things. I see his love more clearly.

God, abide in us that we may bear fruit to glorify Your Name.