God being worthy

Today has been a day full of God's mercy though at times I do not see it as such. I see not what is not real. Not what is fantastical. I stumbled heavily today and I see why. I wanted my own way and when I did not get it I read something God absolutely hates. Something that takes God's ideal and pollutes it. I am still bitter yet God please give me grace to be kind. To love in spite of sorrow and to cling to Jesus in all circumstances.

Sick days

I am at home really missing my mom right now.

My heart the idol factory

I have found that the longer I am a Christian the easier distractions come. I want to serve I want to love Jesus. I want to spend my life with Jesus. I want Jesus to see and know that it is He working in me that has me acting the way I do. Yet its easy to want and covet and get angry when I do not get what I want. Hey may God kill my flesh.

Fear

I don't know I am in such an ackward state in my life not knowing what the future brings. Yet I struggle to trust. I have been stumbling lately yet today will be better. Yesterday was a great day I spent an hour with an older guy who treats me like a daughter. That is a refreshing change God graciously gave me time with his word. I am working on reading two books Lord Only You Can Change Me by Kay Arthur and This Momentary Marriage by John Piper.

What is actually knowing God.

It is easy when growing up in a "religious" family to believe you know everything about God. While growing up I have thought God was a powerless dictator who demanded all and yet did nothing to aid His creation. I looked at the needy of the world. I myself was needy and was overwhelmed with a self-righteous indignation about the God of the bible. Who worked like a magician for those who had faith, who granted life, wealth, and health according to our faith.Yet it was only by reading God's word that I found out who God is. His Holiness, His Love, His thoughts which are higher than my thoughts. Praise is due to Him. I better be off my roommate is telling me to get ready.

Life and death

I found out yesterday someone from my work just died. It was strange. Yet God was over all of it. From the news coverage what one is able to gleen from the info is that his car drove into a pond. He got out of the car. Called a tow truck and then sat in the side of the road waiting. He did not drown but just died. The authorities found him. I don't get it at all. Yet I know God was over all of it. We are but a vapor here today and gone tomorrow. God has numbered my day and I trust he will not have me die until I accomplish all He has made me do.

A time with God

I went to sleep at 10:00 and God woke me up at 4:30 am. I started the day with what will not compel me to Christ but may this time be redeemed.

Prayers

God, please strengthen the faith of my group, may they learn from Your word who You are. Give them brokenness of their sin that You may be glorified. God may love for You overflow in their lives. Give them boldness to proclaim Your goodness, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God set Your seal on seal. Keep them by Your Strength. Make them lights that shine with Your Radiance in the darkness.

God You are my provider and strength. God set my eye on You. Change me into the woman You want me to be. I do not know where my future lies but Lord that each day each moment may be to glorify You. I am guilty of so much sin. I am undeserving of the grace that You have upon me daily. God thank you for redeeming me. For taking the just punishment I deserve. God You are precious, cloaked in majesty. A humble King, Holy and Just. Jesus You were crushed by the Father in my stead. You have given me eternal life with You. May my joy be You.

Thoughts

I have wanted for the longest time been distracted at times thinking that I lack something in my life. That a husband and children are what I am missing. It is not true, it is a lie from the pit of hell. I LACK NO GOOD THING IN CHRIST!!! God has been so good to me and continues to give me victory over sin. May I look to Christ as the only with can truly satisfy He is the true bread and His blood the true drink. Sealed by his blood to a treasure that is imperishable and that lies in wait for us.

Where is my trust?

It is so easy to question God. Why did God allow this to happen? Is God always good? Why does He not answer my prayer? I have realized this is a sin. Yes I do want to know why God does what He does. Why does He do what He does, yet what is this for me to know? I am but a woman made of clay. God will let me know in His timing what He has planned. While I wait I pray for grace and a deeper trust that His plans are better than my own. He is my provider and has provided all my needs. I should trust that I who have been adopted as His daughter by the blood of Christ through the Holy Spirit which cries Abba, Father. I used to believe the promises of sin, do this and you will be happy, commit this and you'll feel good. Yet it was a lie, the wages were death so why do I think at times the God can't be trusted. Yet He has provided a job for me, a place to live, friends who care, and most precious of all an eternity full of pure, innocent, undefiled joy. God may I trust You.

Right Motives

James 4:3
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on
your passions.

God has given me much. My life, He provides for me like no one else
has ever done. He has dressed me in His righteousness. Yet I have been
bitter and selfish. God had not been my portion. God sees me as He has
made me. I get bitter at times because men at church when they see me
share the Gospel convicts them and have them admire my zeal. Yet its
rank unbelievers who pay attention. God sees me and loves me despite
me. I ask and ask and at times I fear the future, yet God will not
leave me or forsake me. When I am not distracted I see Him for who He
is. He knows me no one else does. Today I look forward to His return.
I have no regrets except the moment that I did not see the Lord as all
sufficient.

Truth on the 4th of July

This day has been one to point to Christ and even throughout my day I have seen His mercy. I had the chance to fellowship with other believers tonight, to share the Gospel. I am still growing in Christ and realize more than anything I need Him. Encouragement is beyond me right now, but I see His mercy at work. In His Word I see that He is not only the One True God, He is the Wonderful Counselor and Everlasting Father. How do I as a woman live my life to glorify God. It is not wasting money, it is giving ones time to the needy (I am convicted of that today). I have been reading Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? It is a book that strangely enough does not focus on marriage but strikes at the sins that flourish in the life of a single and even married Christian women. It is easy in my singleness to be me centered yet I have found in God's word that it is not about me its about Christ it is being a slave to Him and serving the body in thankfulness that Christ has given us the opportunity to live for Him. May He bind me together with Him, conforming me to His image. I need God to show me daily who I am without Him. I am a sinner saved by an Amazing Wonderful Awesome God.

Temptation

With me music and dancing are a big temptation. I like latin dancing and its hard to reconcile what I want to learn with my faith. I don't want to be close to another person and the thing is it seems the more vain and even intimate it is the better. Sighing, at my computer. God has been so good to grant me victory and He was what drove me away from my computer last night. Praise Jesus. I am starting to let people in, I just hope that I will not be hurt.