Pray

To all those who know me pray that God gives me strength.

Sovereignty of God

Knowing that over everything God has His hands and even though evil things happen knowing that God knows and works them for good according to His ways. It makes me smile in joy and cry tears. My life is up in the air but reading this just confirm that my trust in God is solid, a good thing.

Romans 8 (ESV)

1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh,4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.6 To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot.8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

12 So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh.13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, Abba! Father!16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies.34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?36 As it is written,
For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
The more I learn about God the more I find reasons to love Him more, trust Him more, and to set my life in His hands though I am very weak, very young in the faith. I know He will not leave me at this state. He will renew me day by day.

Forgiven

Learning to forgive is something hard very hard. It is laying aside anger and loving others. I'm guilty of hatred and I see it now I must forgive if God has forgiven me much how can I not forgive others. God has been very kind to me and I treasure that he calls me his child. I am but a worm yet He has shown great kindness towards me and in the midst of trials I will lift my eyes to Him knowing He is my rock and my shelter. The life of a Christian is hard, the road is narrow and you must forsake even those close to you for the sake of the eternal treasure of Jesus Christ. This life matters not when looking upon His glory. God have mercy on me.

To Him be all glory and honor.

Suffering

Job an old testament saint put through the fire. He was blessed by God then in one day he lost everything yet even after everything had gone he did not say anything against God. Then he lost his health and he was slandered by his friends and others. They thought by his wrongdoing he was now suffering. Yet like the new testament saints he was being tested to be sure that he was truly loyal. That his confidence is in Christ.

What is Romantic Love?

I always ask people their thoughts and one time got to the point when I wanted to get many different opinion on tape over this subject. I've notice their is a big distinctionn between what biblical born-again saved believers and those who live life according to their wants and desires. Love romantic love is not stirred up without purpose. It is not created through sexual contact. The love between a man and woman is one where one knows that they no longer belong to a specific family but to a spouse. The long to please the other not for the selfish want of the adrenaline focused infatuation but due to a want to be with the spouse to help them encourage them in their Christian walk. The man ready to lay down his life for his bride. The wife under the authority of her husband. Love is so much more that the idea set forth by Valentine's day.

What sweet devotion my love has.

My Mom

The doctor said nothing more can be done. Yet I am not crying. I love my mom, she is my friend. We used to talk more but not as much since God saved me. My parents are into Word Faith/Prosperity Preaching. It is a movement that says if you have enough faith, if you speak things they will happen. A text that they use often is "I came that you may have life and have it more abundantly." Yet was Jesus talking about this life here on earth. Yes and No, let me explain my answer. In this life their will be trials, tribulations, mourning, persecution, and sorrow, yet the joy of God saving us, of him holding us by his grace. The joy of Him is more than the poverty, the sadness, the pain, the trials. Taking joy in God despite the sorrows of life on a cursed Earth is the abundant life. Not the health, the wealth, the fame, the money. Our lives end in a groan and we leave it the way we enter it with nothing. Unless our treasure is Jesus Christ the author and perfecter of our faith, our lives are worthless because the punishment for our transgressions would fall on us. Justly so. He took the sin of his people upon himself. How glorious is that.

Your Grace

I am 25 and feel acutely that my days are numbered according to the will of a good and merciful God. He brings my sins before me and puts in me a sorrow that leads unto repentance. He has provided for me in a way my earthly father could never do. God is my Father, my Redeemer, my provider. I see now that all my steps are ordained my Him. My sins are my own and have been laid upon His Son. He was punished in my stead. I don't know how much time He has for me yet I am blessed with each moment He gives me with my family and most of all the moments when it is just me and God. Me putting all my needs and all my worries and my sins before Him, and even though what I bring before Him is not worthy He listens because of the mediation of His Son. I pray for salvation, I pray that He keeps those in Him secure and the He be glorified.

God, thank you.

God Knows

There is a knowledge that all the deeds in my life are known by God. There's some part of my mind that knows he knows my thoughts where they come from. Why do they rise up? The very reason why they are there, yet I loath to talk to God about it how pitiable.

God...

Loss

There is a sense that a part of my life will be over on the 30th of September. I will be starting on the 1st of October to be home full time taking care of my mom. I fear what the future holds but take confidence that what happens will be according to God's will. May my life be lived for God. My life, this life may it be an offering to the God who gave me new life. I know my sin is ever before me and yet he has dressed me.

A Time

In Ecclisiastes it says that there is a time for everything. Yet can I be afraid of sorrow to come. Grieve for the grief to come. Worry about family, that they might have strength for what may come. Life is not easy yet God, Jesus Christ is our comforter. My life shines and wanes according to what God ordains. There are times I shines and I radiate youth and vibrancy. There are times I look old, weak, weary by this world. I long to be with Christ yet I know my life is meant for more. To love God to love others, to become a servant and not a leader, that is God has planned for me. I see hazily who God wants me to be and lately I have suffered a fall and I wonder how can God still hold me up. He never takes his hand off of me. Reminds me of His grace of His holiness.
Time like these I wish I had biblical leadership someone on whom I can depend on. I forget that it is God on whom we rely but I guess its more than that.
I'm scared yet God will provide.

Conversation

Looking up at the sky from a tiny little car made me realize the vast glory that is my God. Yet I also know that God was with me always. Which made me reveal my thoughts about it adding also that if God revealed himself to the unsaved world it would drive many to their knees in fear. Unfortunately it drew a response from the person I was with that was unexpected.

You should not fear God, God is a God of love.

I replied with something along these lines the fear of God in the beginning of all knowledge.

Still more about how no one should fear God.

I said there is no condemnation for those is Christ Jesus making me realize that God's word has begun to take a hold on me.

I will not give more of play by play I just wanted to say this, how can we knew God mercy except by His just anger against sin? How can we know His lovingkindness except by realizing we don't deserve anything good from God yet He gives us breath, life, gifts, family, home, His love towards a rebellious people.

See Him as He is.

Thought on the Christian Life

There is something I find precious
That I hold dear
A wish I had before God changed me from who I was

In the beginning the thoughts of Jesus were awed
A reverant look at the God who saves
He is all encompassing, sovereign
Yet who am I to spurn it for sorrow

I know there is a time for everything under the sun
A time to laugh
A time to cry
A time to just live

Yet I in selfish want
Want to run that all things would leave me be
That my thoughts would be not of any perceived need
That they die and let me sleep

Why do they run through my mind
Why do they push me to go and find

and at the end may they seek the Christ

Church

Yesterday I saw a group of teens at church sitting in the front row. I don't know why they were there and I could not see their heart. They looked like typical American teens. The girls in make up and clothes from either express or old nave one girl in shorts. They chewed gum through the sermon. They chatted among themselves during the service. One of the young men turned to another and rolled their eyes. I realized that they might still be the living dead. I pitied them that they did not see the Glory of God. How much of a precious treasure He is and saw in them my own sin. Did they not see their deadness? Did it not remind me that the cares of this time on earth have been crowding in on me lately. Yet may Christ be first, that He might be what I seek. Their are people who go to church their whole lives yet thing of God as the icing on the cake, when the reality is he is everything. Listen your life is nothing is worthless and at the end of it you will die and go to hell for thinking that this life is the be all end all. Yet Christ in his mercy takes a person steeped in lies, in blasphemy, in lust, in sin and changes them transforms them. Makes their lives be to His Glory. They turn from sin they love Him first and foremost, and that is by making them ALIVE. Putting a heart of flesh in them that hates sin and loves HIM. You can't makes yourself become alive again only God can.

May Jesus Christ be first in my affections.

Bible

I've been putting God second. Thinking to often on what does not edify. Dreaming of what may not come to pass. I have found that my life has been lived on feeling insignificant feelings on what I wish my life were like. I have not been reading the bible as I used to. Spending way too much time chatting and not devoting myself to living for Christ. It changes today. My life will not be lived in vain.

Love do you know what it truly is.

Love between a man and woman. Can I rant? Can I tell people exactly what is wrong with their ideals on love? They turn out these statements like “You mean everything to me.” or “My love for you will last for all eternity.” Tell me that this does not turn the person that they love into an idol. Then when they person that they love make a mistake or when the every day living makes it common they go out and try to find what gave them the same feelings as before and spend their lives seeking what they call true love. WAKE UP! Love is not like that. It will become routine. The person you love will annoy you and you will hate them sometimes. Yet God calls you to love that person in actions and emotions. There has to be a passion but first and foremost without God that love is not possible for man. 

Innocence, Purity, Virginity, and Godliness

I can never get my mind innocent again after being addicted to pornography. It started with my aunt giving me a romance novel at eight years old. This went on until I was 22 almost 23. I was ashamed and rightly so and would constantly try to clean myself up and had never last and came back worse than ever. Yet God chose in his kindness and goodness to keep me from intimate relations with any man. Intimacy outside of God ordained marriage is wrong. In that it violates what God has set up when he created Adam first the Eve from his rib. My mind still haunts me with who I used to be and tells me I am no different, but I will answer in this way. Without Christ saving me and the Holy Spirit working to conform me into the image of Christ I would still be in the gutter. Yes my sins had stained me and I in my own power was not able to make myself clean. God has made me white as snow. By the Holy Spirit working to break me and push me towards repentance and by being in his word, praying, fasting, loving him more that any other with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I cherish what I used to despise, I am a virgin. God is good.

Dream I had 6/5/09

One moment I was awake tap tap tapping away at the keys of my mac, and then I was in a dilapidated old home with old white wood shingles the paint peeling and fading swollen from water damage the inside dark wood floor that must have looked beautiful in its hay day. I was with a group in the house looking for my little nephew. He was lost looking the very image of his father cute with short weasel teeth. I looked and searched but I could not find him. Then in the foyer close to the door I heart the loud giggles. It was empty large fancy even in its condition yet the little boy called me out of it and the journey began. I ran out of the house and saw his mom she is beautiful, wearing some hip hop gear hoody covering her raven dark hair but revealing her face, a short skirt with pleats. She was impatient had somewhere to go. A car was being loaded parked on the street outside. Yet I took her little boy and she did not mind and we started walking away from the old whitewashed house full of the walking dead. My brother, 23, same round face only an inch or so taller came with. When we came across another house and my nephew was snatched away by the enemy. To get out of the house we had to go through a locked window of metal thorns they pinched as my brother and I tried to solve the puzzle that would get portion to shift and open. It closed at times and was frustrating but we got it to swing open. My brother (almost my twin) went through the window. I did not see him again. I drew away from the window and tried to find my nephew. That little boy was always getting into trouble. Door swung locked behind me as I went though the maze in that old mansion. I knew the enemy had the little boy in order that I may be back in his hands. I heard a giggle and saw a little boy's sneaker peeking out from behind a small recliner. I went around it and found that a piece of wood stuck straight out from the chair. A sock and sneaker fastened to it to trick me. Then I saw him my little man sitting in another chair waiting for me. The room was full of different types of chairs with a small portion on the right side blocked off looking like an old style bank with high wooden counters and many attendants. They told me I could not get out of this room. That everything was sealed. Yet I quoted scriptures as I carried the little boy through a low set of doors finding out they were swinging doors. Their plans were thwarted and I found myself at a counter. With my younger brother the one I attend church with he is skinny and sweet. A man stood to my right he was white old wore a grey vested suit and a white mustache. He said "You have to drink the sweet elixir but also the vinegar in between sips.” Me, my brother, and my little nephew followed his directions. Then I awoke.

What am I?

Sometimes I waver in who I am am I still a girl or am I a woman? 

Let me think does marriage make a girl a woman? No.

Can I be a woman of God without being married? Yes.

Am I a woman in maturity? I don't know. 

Great. To reveal this puzzlement over this is not good but I am being truthful. All I know that with the help of God I will survive I will persevere. I will lay down my desires before him. My hopes, my fears that he will take care of them in the manner of His choosing. God has been good to me. Kind loving friends, and family, God help us.

I want to be a woman of God.

To God

To be faithful 

To love truth

To hate what is evil

That is love 

To be in Jesus

To follow God's commandments

To hold to who God is

Is a work of God

After seeking happiness 

After seeking sin

In knowing you my Lord, my Savior 

My life stands full

Lord may my life glorify you

May there be justice for all that I've done

Yet may your son be mediator

Our lives sanctified

To God be the Glory for His gentle lovingkindness

Song of Songs 1:5-7 (Passage & Poetry)

 She

 5I am very dark, but lovely,


O daughters of Jerusalem,
like the tents of Kedar,


like the curtains of Solomon.


6Do not gaze at me because I am dark,
   

because the sun has looked upon me.
My mother’s sons were angry with me;
   

they made me keeper of the vineyards,
   

but my own vineyard I have not kept!


7Tell me, you whom my soul loves,
  

 where you pasture your flock,
   

where you make it lie down at noon;
for why should I be like one who veils herself
   

beside the flocks of your companions? 

To the one whom God has made for me

I am brown from the sun, the place I was born

Work has callused my hands, too strong to be dainty

I am not beautiful by any standard

Face to round, too sweet

Eyes direct without guile

Yet all that I am worth is in Christ

My hair is dark

Teeth straight and a tiny chip missing from my front tooth

I laugh to hard 

Sing to much 

Yet God has granted me favor

Beloved, the one whom God made for me

I was told never to give up, to wait patiently

They were right, what was said holds true

I am my beloved's and he is mine

Though I don't see I know he is there

For that day I will wait when your banner over me is love

Where I won't be seen as the strong one

As the one who could outsmart any man

I will wear white, my head bare 

unadorned but with love in my countenance

I will see you and you will see me

And even though I am not you will see beauty in me

Given by God

You will be wretched but so will I 

It will be ordain by God

God placed first 

and with true love, love each other

That it what I wait for

Finding Life

On my own I am nothing. With God I am a treasured child. God teaches me. God comforts me. God punishes me when I do wrong. God has been a wonderful father. I used to harbor such hate within me, I used to be so angry and now, now I feel like a stranger in this body of mine. God is so wonderful to me. He gives me joy, comfort, armor for the fight, He is powerful and never gives me more that I can bear. My God is worthy. My God is just. My God loves in spite of the wicked person I am. God saved me from my sin and watched it away. Don't you dare try to say that God is dead. Jesus is alive.

Crucify

This story was in a book by Joshua Harris. (paraphrasing)

A young man was burying a box of letters he wrote to the girl he loved. He was burying his dreams maybe even for good. His dreams came true he got the girl more or less four years later.

What happens when you have to cut out something. Submit something to God's will. I wish I were stronger but maybe it is best if I give it to the Lord. I am struggling and fighting yet I know I can't do this myself. I need God to help me. I need God to sustain me. I wish I had spiritual leadership all I have is my bible, my church, fellowship online. Yet at the end of the day it is just me and God  a good thing to be sure. I am weary of the battle. I am weary of the cuts, of the sting of sin. I have my parents looking at me as if I were crazy, for not looking to God for the material things, wealth, and health. I am poor and do not want wealth. I am weak but don't worry about health. I have only the little things. If it would be just me and God away from all this, the strife of everyday life maybe I would feel better. God ready me for battle, without you my life is nothing. God I will fight.

To God be all the Glory,

Levita

Ambassador's Academy

I spent 4 days in California. God is good that he allowed me the opportunity to spend time with people who were after his heart. I was sick and he strengthened me. I was shaking yet He gave me the voice to speak. I saw God work through people last week that I have not seen any other time. I saw people who wanted God to be glorified. That God might save people. The first night I coughed my head off and spent my off-time blowing my nose. I could not talk very loudly. Everyone was so kind. They were so loving. The next day we were out and about on Hollywood Boulevard. The Gospel was being preached, tracts were being given out, and they were witnessing to the Faith we are just frail earth yet God took a hold of people. We were counting upon God. We were not there to meet our heroes Tony Miano, Kirk Cameron, Emil "EZ" Zwayne, or Ray Comfort we were there that we proclaim Jesus Christ and him crucified. I was scared et God put me on the box this weekend that he might reveal my weakness. My legs shook, my voice hoarse, yet God was faithful, that I might proclaim His Goodness. I met so many people and fellowship with them was wonderful. I cried that last night and it was over three things one about the love for God, a love for the loss, and lastly that I might never get married to a godly man like I saw as examples of this weekend. That was my shame tears shed over that. I am a weak woman who wants to love God more who wants to love people more. Who wants the desire for marriage to be crucified. God please help me that my life may glorify you.

Marriage

I have had my mind turn to this subject more often than I care to. As women though we have to cultivate a love for the home. As women we have to be modest in our appearance, care of children, and be feminine. We have to put the Lord first and submit to our fathers spiritual headship (if they are teaching their children in the admonition of the Lord). Woman while they may devote their lives to serving the Lord as a single, they may also serve the Lord in a biblical marriage. This is the rub wondering whether God wants you to be a single of whether he wants you to be married. I have wondered often about this question and still have no answers. Singleness is a gift, but marriage is one also. 

The Hope

I am besieged not by fears for my walk with God. I am placing my trust only on Jesus. Though bad things are going on and I am just plain tired of the battle. I know I must keep on. Though people surrounding me may falter I must press forward. There is so much ahead of me and I know that without him I would be helpless. He has taken care of me and I know he will continue to do so. Though I am weak he strengthens me. Though I am weary of the battle he give me the will to fight. My hope is in God and no one else.e

Faithful even when we are faithless

I myself am suffering no hardship. Yet my mom has cancer and she is growing very weak. I know that God calls good and bad into being that He may reveal himself in our weakest moments. To work moments when we are downtrodden into ones where he carries us and molds us into the likeness of His Son Jesus Christ. Those times when we are tested when we depend solely upon him for our needs.

It says in Isaiah 41:10

Fear not for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will sustain you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

When moments like these arise what is said about scripture memorization is true. When you keep the word of God within you, remembering it. Whenever a situation arises a verse comes in your mind, reminding me of the sovereignty of God.

He is my foundation which cannot be moved. I entrust myself into his care.

To God be the Glory for he strengthens the weak.

Faithful Witness

I pray that God allows me to be a faithful witness to Him. My life marred with so many failings that He will continue to change me as time goes on. Lord I don't care for a mansion or a car. I worry about persecution that is true. I had a waking nightmare where I saw my own face covered in blood. How fearful is such a thing. I come to God in ragged dress knowing that it does not conceal the sin beneath. He knows what is there yet he clothes me with righteousness how can I not follow my Lord after that. Why I had spent my life running from him I do not know? I am young still and I am pressed I don't know what is to become of me but I will follow my God Jesus Christ. How many nights have I wasted? How many mornings desperately wishing I could remain in dreams where sin in indulged and said to bring happiness? I awoke with a gleam in my eye that had everything to do with perversion and deep weariness. Will I return to that vomit. Not with the help of God. Jesus help me.

New Year: A Quarter Century Old

I am a 25 year-old Christian woman/girl. I still look like a teenager. I am putting away all the things of childhood to become an adult. Does that mean I don't have fun? No its just that I delight in the simple things. I want for this year to evangelize more. I hope to find another group soon. Anyway may this year be one of growing in the ways of Jesus Christ our God. By the word lets learn and let God guide our steps.